Depression symptoms
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

I'm Sorry I Can't Hang Today, I'm Depressed

I worry about every single thing in the world and overthink every possible outcome until I stress myself out to the point of breaking.

I'm Sorry I Can't Hang Today, I'm Depressed

Sometimes, on the rarest of days, I allow myself to be happy and carefree. Sometimes, I allow myself to forget about the life I'm living and just experience. These are the good days. The days where I can laugh and smile. But these days only happen sometimes. While rarer, on occasion, these days I cherish the most. These are the days that get me through the ones that follow.

On an average day, I float. Yes, you read that right. I float through the days because I don't know what else to do. I simply exist and go through the motions. These days I have to force myself to do the things I need to and for the most part, I do them. I go to class, I do my homework, and I watch mindless things on TV. I do what I have to and let the rest wait until I find the motivation to do it. I sit on my floor and listen to sad music and think about everything and nothing. On these days it is a hit or miss if I want to be around people or not.

Sometimes there are bad days. On these days I cannot do anything. I cannot find the motivation to go places, let alone get out of bed. I cannot find the motivation to eat more than a snack that I find in my room. I just lay in bed, think, and sleep. On these days I feel nothing, and it scares me. I'm scared to not feel anything because I usually feel everything all the time. On these days I can't muster up the motivation to talk to people. When I say I cannot hang out because I am sad, this is why.

Sleeping is my refuge, well sleeping and reading. Sleep allows my mind to forget, to go numb. I can escape the darkness in my head and find peace. So when you ask why I'm always sleeping, it is because when I am asleep, I am okay. Reading also allows me to be someone new. I can become the main character of a book for a few hours and be transported into their life. Reading has that magical capability.

I often question myself, why am I like this? Is it just who I am or is it something more serious? Could I have depression or am I just being dramatic? All of these questions circling in my head and yet I don't know if I want to know the answer. I express myself through my writing and that is the only way I am able to put these words out there. I don't know if I could talk to someone or if I even want to. No one wants there to be something wrong with them and I personally don't want to have to take something to be okay. There's a reason I don't talk about the inner workings of my mind.

I read a quote somewhere, and sorry I do not remember where, that asked, "How much of the weight you're carrying is your own?" The more I think of this quote the harder it hits home. I have always been overly empathetic. I go out of my way to help people when they need someone to talk to and have often been labeled the "therapist friend." I worry about every single thing in the world and overthink every possible outcome until I stress myself out to the point of breaking.

Not every day is a bad day. Yes, there are some bad days that can turn good with the help of friends and family forcing me out of bed. Yes, there are days where I can laugh and let go for an hour or so.

I wasn't trying to ask for anything. It wasn't a call for help or a plea for attention. It's an explanation. An explanation as to why I say I can't hang out today- because I am sad and what that means.

I'm not avoiding you and I'm not trying to make up random excuses as to why I don't want to hang out with you. Sometimes I just can't find the motivation.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Being Invisible The Best Super Power

The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.

Keep Reading...Show less
houses under green sky
Photo by Alev Takil on Unsplash

Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Keep Reading...Show less
​a woman sitting at a table having a coffee

I can't say "thank you" enough to express how grateful I am for you coming into my life. You have made such a huge impact on my life. I would not be the person I am today without you and I know that you will keep inspiring me to become an even better version of myself.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments