I often find myself starting and ending conversations with an apology, especially when I am nervous or feel as if I am bothering someone. I can be found tiptoeing toward my professors' offices, hoping I am not interrupting them but really needing to ask them a question about a recent assignment or something of the sort.
"I'm so sorry to bother you, but I have a question to ask," I say, bashfully knocking on the door.
"No need to apologize. Come on in. My office hours are for questions."
"Alright. Sorry."
Before a friend pointed out my over-apologizing, I hadn't realized how much I use the word. In fact, I had never even considered it. I was apologizing for everything. If I was hurt when someone insulted me, I apologized. I apologized for showing too much sensitivity in a situation where anyone would show the same amount. I said I was sorry for missing a step on a staircase and falling. It got so frequent that it just became a natural thing to say. And my friend pointing it out made me see just how much I was using it. So I started to ask myself the cause of I apologized so often and found five causes for this habit.
1. Avoiding confrontation.
As a child, saying sorry first alleviated any heated situation. Who walked in the house with dirty shoes? Sorry. Who spilled something in the kitchen? Sorry. Who was supposed to let the dogs out but didn't? Sorry. Confrontation has never been a strong point for me.
2. To me, it was a form taking responsibility for my actions.
If I do something wrong, saying sorry shows that I am regretful and remorseful of my actions. It shows that I take full responsibility for them.
3. I was taught that apologizing was a form of politeness.
I was raised to be well mannered, and apologizing was a form of politeness to me.
4. I was afraid of making people angry.
This can be traced back to No. 1. Making people angry is just as bad as confronting a situation. Apologizing just makes it easier. Keeping the peace was always a priority.
But now I have begun to realize that over-apologizing is not like frequently complimenting people. The effects of it can often irritate or exasperate people, in my experience.
"It can give the impression that you're weak," a friend said, "and can make people walk all over you."
That is definitely not what I want to happen and have since resolved to reduce my over-apologizing to a normal amount. It's not going to be easy for someone who says it as often as I do.
