You know those people that are always so hyped about plans but shadily never show up to them because of some bizarre, last minute, can’t be true reason? Those are the people that simply cannot be trusted. Sure, we’ve all had to miss a get-together last minute and maybe even forgotten to give fair warning we’d be absent. But there is a fine line between those seldom occurrences and repeated peculiar events constantly aligning with your plans. I’ve recently noticed this happening more and more frequently, especially in college. Not everyone is guilty of this, and some have other unreliable flaws. For example, I am always late to everything. Whether it is planned weeks in advance or last minute, I will be there no earlier than five minutes past the arranged meeting time. Yes, this is arguably equally as annoying, but the difference is I always show up. I may be late, but I will never flake out.

There are different types of flaky people, each with their own thought process and tactics of ditching plans. Here are the four most common situations flakes thrive in just so you may diagnose yourself. I promise you your friends already have.

Flake Pattern #1:
Something legitimately comes up.

This one needs little explanation, and there is equally little you can do about it. It’s the most basic of flaking out, and the only one that is (most often) out of your control. You really want to go to your bestie’s birthday dinner, and you even promised her you’d drive her there. But then your dog eats a cinnamon raisin bagel out of the bag and your mom begs you to come to the emergency veterinarian with her and none of it was planned (PSA: raisins are bad for dogs). We get it. As they say, “life happens”. How often “life” gets in the way, though, is the question. These things come up far and few between. If your pet bird consumes the same bagel a week later and you claim you’re taking yet another trip to AnimERge then you need to read on, and you just may be a chronic liar. Disclaimer: sometimes freak things that actually happened sound like an exaggerated lie… just another reason to uphold your rep as the reliable friend. Do not be the girl who cries family emergency every other hour.

(This really did happen to my dog.)

Flake Pattern #2:
You end up, eh, not really feeling it and make up excuses because you’re lazy.

Worse than having an unfortunate circumstance come up last minute and interrupting your much-anticipated plans, is using the excuse that you “just don’t feel like it”. Worse still, is that you really don’t feel like it but give another reason. These people are truly interested in what you are asking of them, and promise they’ll follow through. For example, you and your friends go out to eat every Sunday morning. One particular Sunday, that one friend wants to sleep in, and doesn’t feel like getting into their weekly ~cute~ brunch outfit. The issue here is not that your bff needs an extra few hours of sleep. That’s this “life” thing that comes into play. But, because they’re established as the flaky friend, they refuse to admit they don’t want to come simply because they don’t want to come. Instead, they’ll say “I may sit this one out” or “I might just eat something at home” or even “I think I’ll come late, not sure yet though”. Well, you may maybe might think this vague rationale is fooling everyone, but it is absolutely not. We all know this is code for you will not under any circumstance make an appearance. But, just in case, let me know when you’re done thinking about it.

Flake Pattern #3:
You say you’ll do something while knowing the entire time you have no intentions of actually doing it.

I have a friend that – although is often very excited about plans – NEVER shows up, no matter what the occasion. It’s always one implausible excuse after another. And, she never tells us she “can’t” make it until ten minutes before the reservation or even when the night is nearly over. This has happened so often that our group of friends has learned to discount her from any plans even if she swears she’ll be there. Yet another unplanned family game night, huh? If you have not yet caught on, this is one of the more extreme flaky personas. This person agrees to plans full force, and even sometimes assists in the planning of them. The catch: the whole time they are deceiving you while fully knowing they have prior conflicting plans, or will be too lazy to show from the get go. Yet, they don’t know how to tell you they cannot make it because they are so used to conjuring up a lie. Not cool.

Flake Pattern #4:
You not only ditch your friend’s plans, but do the same plans with a different person.

This is by far the most extreme of the flaky prototype. Not only are you unsuspectingly telling your friend your living room couch is more important than them, but someone else is too. This happens more often than you’d think: over the summer my friend and I planned to go to the beach with a group of friends. We set the date, time of departure, and even what ice cream shop we’d stop by after our previously discussed restaurant. Unexpectedly, the night before leaving my friend nonchalantly texts me that she is unable to go without providing any specificity as to why not. Now, because this is not the first time this has happened, I got over it pretty quickly. However, I must admit I was slightly angry when she and her family went to the same beach the same restaurant the same ice cream shop just two days later with neighbors, without ever mentioning a word. Perhaps I just need some new, dependable friends. Or, perhaps these types of people need to acknowledge the fact that they are flakes and fix their ways.

So, what causes a person to consistently flake out? As annoying as a friend flaking out may be, we know there are no cruel intentions. In fact, there are several prospected theories as to why someone constantly backs out: perhaps there is a “flaky” gene that people are simply born with, or maybe a high percentage of individuals are just “yes people” and can’t find it in their hearts to say no, or they honestly just do not care whatsoever. Pick your poison.

Whatever the reason, flakiness seems to decrease with time. This is most likely because the fault translates into greater moments in life, and they are finally made aware of their unreliability. Sure the examples I discussed are all relatively petty, and more or less involve a slightly salty friend who just missed their bestie on their birthday.But what happens when this inability to commit transcends into building new relationships or retaining a job? Acknowledge the fact that you, in even the slightest of ways, fit into one of these categories, and work on it before it becomes permanent, and before your patient friends stop being so tolerant of you. Follow through on the next Sunday brunch. And if you really want to impress your friends, show up early.