The past few months I have experienced every version of party music. More often than not, I am subjected to the terrible remixes and techno music naively being played by a man wearing a neon snapback with the words “Let's Get Wasted" loudly displayed. How am I expected to kill it solo on the dance floor, channeling my inner Beyonce circa the 2014 VMAs when all I hear is "NOW LET THAT BASS DROP ALKFJDKJFDLKJDKFJ"? Not to mention when your girl is trying to show off her Celine Dion vocals -- weird remixes do not help this skill come across well. Because of the atrocities I have had to endure throughout the years, I have come up with a list of songs that I believe should be played at parties.
1. "Jump in the Line" and "Day-O" (Banana Boat) by Harry Belafonte.
"SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SENORA SHAKE YOUR BODY LINE"
Harry Belafonte is a national treasure that this country's youth has woefully taken for granted.
2. "Feeling Myself" and "Only" by Nicki Minaj ft. Beyonce and other people that don't matter as much as Beyonce.
My friend was almost kicked out of a party because she requested this song too many times.
3. "Somebody to Love" by Queen.
4. "Get Me Bodied" by Beyonce.
Extremely underrated jam.
5. "Master Blaster" by Stevie Wonder.
A.k.a. the song Ed Sheeran and Beyonce slayed at the Stevie Wonder tribute concert.
6. "G.O.M.D" by J. Cole.
7. "Stacy's Mom" by The Fountain of Wayne.
8. "1985" by Bowling for Soup.
Bowling for Soup is Harry Belafonte level under appreciated.
9. "P.Y.T" by Michael Jackson.
10. "Build Me Up Buttercup" by The Foundations.
11. "Like Mariah" by Fifth Harmony.
Fifth Harmony high key kills it, and no one wants to admit it so I will.
12. "Aaron's Party (Come and Get it)" by Aaron Carter.
13. "That's How I Beat Shaq" by Aaron Carter.
14. "Uptown Funk" and "Aaron's Party (Come and Get it)" remix by Bruno Mars and Aaron Carter.
This is something i've been thinking about for the last three months.
15. "Kiss Kiss" by Chris Brown.
16. "Promiscuous Girl" by Nelly Furtado.
Am I throwing you off? Nope, didn't think so.
17. "Tamale" by Tyler the Creator.
18. "Ignition" (Remix) by R. Kelly.
19. "Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child.
20. "Thong Song" by Sisqo.
21. "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy.
The song where Shaggy tries to get away with getting caught in the act of cheating by simply saying that it wasn't him. Seems a little too simple, don't you think, Shaggy?
22. "In Da Club" by 50 Cent.
23. "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros.
24. "Damaged" by Danity Kane.
I'm not saying that Danity Kane breaking up was the single most devastating moment of my childhood, but Danity Kane breaking up was the single most devastating moment in my childhood.
25. "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Deff Leppard.
26. "Buttons" by Pussycat Dolls.
27. "Jenny From the Block" by Jennifer Lopez.
The one and only time Jennifer Lopez was ever relevant.
28. "Lip Gloss" by Lil Mama.
29. "Bad Girls" by M.I.A.
30. "Freakum Dress" by Beyonce.
31. "Diva" by Beyonce.
32. "B*tch Better Have My Money" by Rihanna.
Rihanna is like a beautiful, raunchy flower that we must protect from this terrible world.
33. "Gold Digger" by Kanye West.
34. "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers.
35. "Party in The USA" by Miley Cyrus.
36. "He Could Be the One" by Hannah Montana.
There are only two types of people in this world -- those who love "He Could Be The One" and those who have never heard "He Could Be The One."
37. "Kiss Me Thru the Phone" by Soulja Boy.
"6-7-8-triple9-8-2-1-2."
38. "Milkshakes" by Kelis.
39. "Get Busy" by Sean Paul.
Sean Paul needed to make a comeback, like yesterday, am I right, ladies?
40. "Stockholm Syndrome" by One Direction.
41. "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston.
Honestly, anything by Whitney Houston (R.I.P).
42. "Lodi Dodi" by Snoop Dogg
43. "Drop It Like It's Hot" by Snoop Dogg.
On an unrelated (but related note) I want Snoop Dogg to adopt me.
44. "Ms. Jackson" by OutKast.
45. "Snap Yo Fingers" by Lil Jon, Sean Paul.
For some reason Lil Jon always sounds like he's getting stabbed when he raps, but its also oddly endearing.
46. "Beautiful Girls" by Sean Kingston.
47. "Chain Hang Low" by Jibbs.
48. "POWER" by Kanye West.
49. "Let's Dance to Joy Division" by The Wombats.
50. "Shut Up and Dance" by Walk The Moon.
I believe this song would definitely be featured in the movie adaption of a Nicholas Spark's book that takes place in Florida. Hear me out. Two young adults are on spring break and they both go to the same club. Together they dance, shut up and such, and then find out they both have the same mother or something.
51. "Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon.
52. "American Idiot" by Green Day.
53. "Wouldn't It Be Nice" by The Beach Boys.
54. The entire Mulan and Hercules soundtracks.
55. "Novacane" by Frank Ocean.
56. "Ain't Too Proud to Beg" by The Temptations.
57. "Freeze" by Chris Brown ft. T. Pain.
A.k.a. musical magic back in the late 2000s
And last, but certainly not least:
58. "I Don't Want to Go to School" by Naked Brothers Band.
