Even after the amount of pain I've been through, I gave love another shot.

Everyone falls in love or comes close to it at some point in their life. There are people who are so fortunate to marry their first love and there are people who are left devastated, crying on the floor of their kitchen when something reminds them of their first love. I am the second one, or at least, I was.

My freshman year of high school, I fell in love. My eyes were gleaming, I felt star struck, I felt like I would be with him forever, and at some point I thought it would work out. We spent two long, rough, tear-filled years together. I didn't know what love felt like. I didn't know what it felt like to be wanted by someone until him. But he was never straight up, it was so grey with him. Never black and white. I never knew what he was truly thinking or if he truly wanted me and everything I had to offer, I was always left guessing. I never knew what was keeping him away from me. Was it all the girls he was entertaining on the side? Was it my insecurities after catching him the first, fifth, and eighth times? Was something wrong with me?

I know that this letter sounds one-sided. I'm not shoving all the blame of this failed relationship onto him. I am also in the wrong. I did some things I wasn't proud of. I stooped to his level, twice. I tried so hard to not ask him for forgiveness, but I tried and he surly gave it but never did forget. He held it above my head for as long as he could. This boy made my life a living hell for two and a half years. I left him in January of 2015 and it took him over seven months to stop trying to win me back. I almost caved more than once. But after two years of constant emotional abuse and being with someone who used their mental disability to their advantage, I found my self worth. I was so proud.

Since then, I've found someone I absolutely love. And there is no reason for me to feel insecure. This man has been there for me through thick and thin and there is nothing I would not do for him. He knows what I've been through and I cannot thank him enough for everything that he has done for me. From paying for dinner every time we go out to loving me even when I'm bitter and distant. And I am thankful for the fact that he is the best thing that has happened to me.