Are you even speaking English? I didn’t even hear you that time? Could you try actually enunciating?

In my mind, it's complete and clear sentences. Yet sometimes, when I speak out loud, choppy incomplete sentences come out. With strangers, an unresponsive blank face is their response.

With friends and family, they tend to ask me “Are you even speaking English?” or certain people will say it back in a mocking fashion. As a response, I don’t speak anymore.

My family is loud, we talk a lot, and when you aren’t always understood, sometimes it’s better not to talk.

When I was one year old, I was diagnosed with Speech Apraxia. I didn’t make noises or speak. I was done with speech therapy before I was in kindergarten. Today, I can talk. Actually, I probably talk more than I should sometimes.

However, I tend to have trouble speaking sometimes. I mumble a lot, or I talk too fast. Sometimes, when I’m in the middle of a longer conversation or I have to talk for a longer period of time, I find myself stumbling over words. I have trouble converting the story from my brain into words.

I don’t like talking on the phone, out of anxiety that I will talk too fast or the person on the other line will not be able to understand me. People who have known me for a long time, know about this.

Many of them have made comments on it. Some teasing me and I know they mean well. But to me, it’s hurtful. I try to not talk a lot in larger groups. Of course, after I tell them that I had trouble learning to speak as a kid and I can’t always tell when I’m talking too fast or mumbling, they feel bad.

Speech Apraxia is an uncommon speech disorder. Children often experience trouble with making sounds, saying words, delayed language development, problems with learning to read, spell and write. One or two children per a thousand usually have this disorder.

I’ve met several people who had to go through speech therapy as children, all of whom have said they sometimes have trouble talking today. All of whom have heard hurtful comments from strangers about their speech trouble.

What I’ll say is that speech therapy is common. If I’m talking too fast or mumbling, just ask me politely to say it again because you didn’t understand me. Asking me if I even speak English or straight up looking at me with a blank face or laughing at me is just plain rude.

I realize speech disorders aren’t always an obvious disability. However, do not feel embarrassed because you didn’t understand me. I have no problem repeating what I wanted to say. But please don’t laugh or tease me. It’s already something I struggle with.

People often ask me why in god’s name I like to write. It's probably because I am able to efficiently edit/rephrase/communicate my thoughts in a clear and concise way. Sometimes talking is just too hard.