In his book, 'The Fault in Our Stars," the incredibly quotable John Green wrote, "That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt." Once again his words are full of relatable honesty. We have all felt pain of some form. Pain comes in many different days, moments, things, and people. It can present itself as a paper cut, or perhaps a broken leg. It can be emotional, after losing someone who is very important. Perhaps the most tragically viewed form of pain is heartbreak. After all, our capability to love and feel compassion is one of the traits that makes us human, so it is only natural that when our hearts break, little pieces of the rest of us do too.
I was once asked, "have you ever been in love?" The kid was eight years old, and I wasn't quite sure what to answer. I mean, after all, we're just kids, right? We're not supposed to know what love is. Yet somehow, we all claim to be in it. My friend once said she was in love with someone she had just met. My other friend said she was in love without dating a person for even two weeks. One more friend was not in love even after a year and a half. So what was I supposed to tell this child, when I don't even understand it myself? Sometimes I think I have been. It's beautiful to look back on, and I know it's possible. It would be nice if there were some definite tells of when one is in love. I smiled softly and looked down at this eight year old girl and said, "maybe," I grinned, "I think so." This is one of those lingering questions that is too complicated to answer, so I've never really forgotten about it.
Just like that question, heartbreak is something you never forget. Heartbreak comes in the form of a 2 a.m. "I love you". The kind of bitter, unrequited I love you that makes your stomach churn and your eyes burn all the same. Sometimes you break your own heart. Sometimes, you go into something knowing that it is not right for you and it doesn't make any sense yet you do it anyway. This is the kind hurts the most because you do it to yourself. Life is pain, highness. Yet you don't do yourself any favors by putting yourself in a situation to get heartbroken. Then there's the unexpected heartbreak. The kind that comes out of nowhere. The kind that has you feeling amazing one day and crashing on the floor the next. I suppose these hurt the most because you never really know what went wrong. It just happens. If you're lucky, your heart won't break at all. There will be a mutual decision that things aren't working out and effortlessly you will walk away from the relationship unscathed. This will not be without some troubling feelings though, and caution: you may still feel broken. I believe that we are meant to love more than one person in our lifetimes. I would like to say that the one we love the most, the best, and the longest, is the one we choose to be with for the rest of our lives through marriage. Unfortunately, it is not always like this. Once again, another form of heart break. If we are lucky, we will be healed again after being broken. We will fall in love again once we have fallen out of it. But do not let your life revolve around being in love. You will find yourself to be a very lonely person. This leads me to my final point: sometimes it is necessary to have your heart broken.
Heartbreak is loneliness in its most sincere form. It is when you go from being with someone to being with yourself. This sounds sad, but it is not. It is the most freeing and spiritual thing that could ever happen to you. It hurts, yes. It burns more than a campfire does on a Friday night in August. It takes every ounce of you to move on, but once you do, you're better. You're greater. You're stronger. You no longer need someone to tell you you're beautiful because you have learned it for yourself. You have this new freedom that you did not have before. You have no one to answer to. No one to fight with, no one to tell you what you're doing is wrong. You make your own choices for yourself. This frees you up to be whoever you are meant to be. You can focus on your Faith, your writing, your career, and whatever else you may dream of. I hope you take this opportunity to better yourself and the people around you. I hope you realize that you have been hurt before and were okay and you will be okay again. I hope you realize that you are still breathing, you are still alive, and you are here for a reason. I hope you realize that you took a beautiful risk in giving your heart to someone and they may have let you down but you will become a better person because of it. Rise above it all. In the words of Eric Both, "For what it's worth, it's never too late, or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again." After all, today is never too late to be brand new. And like everything, this too shall pass. Stand up straight, drink some water, and clear your mind. Things fall apart so better things can fall together.
