When it comes to a lot of things in life, the logic is that if we aren’t responsible for something, we shouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of it. In an ideal world, this would always be the case. However, we don’t live in an ideal world. If we did, I would be lounging on a beach tanning somewhere instead of sitting here procrastinating on studying for finals while knowing that even if I was on a beach, I would be getting sunburned, not tanning.
And since I’m not beach-side, that means that we all sometimes have to deal with the consequences of things that we aren’t responsible for. If you’ve ever worked on a group project, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You run into this in every area of life from work, to school, to family issues, to issues that you’re having with yourself because of someone else. As much as we want to say, “Well it’s not my fault so I’m not going to deal with it!” that’s not how the world works.
There is a power in knowing that you aren’t responsible for something being the way that it is, especially when it comes to personal struggles with yourself or your family and friends, because those situations are always messier than professional or educational relationships. When you’re working the fact that you aren’t personally responsible for your group or team being behind schedule is a bit of a moot-point because the work still has to be done by the deadline. But when things are chaotic between you and the people closest to you, blame seems to be a hot topic, even though it’s only a very small part of the problem.
Whether or not something is your fault has no impact on whether or not you have to deal with the consequences of that thing. Sure, you can be angry about the fact that you have to deal with the ramifications but that’s not going to get you anywhere in the long-run. I hate having to fix issues I didn’t create as much as the next guy, but each time I do I try to spend less and less time being angry about the fact that I have to do whatever it is that I’m doing. There’s nothing wrong with being angry about it, but staying angry means that you spend more time dealing with and thinking about the issues that you didn’t want to deal with in the first place.
If you’re upset about something because of someone else, it isn’t your fault that you’re upset, but you still have to work through the fact that you’re upset because you can’t just pass that feeling onto someone else because they’re the reason you’re feeling that way. It’s their fault you’re feeling the way that you’re feeling, and you can make them aware of that, but you are the one who has to deal with the emotional problems you’re facing. Make sure that you constantly remind yourself that you're going to fix whatever issues were caused for yourself and not for the people who don't care. Knowing who is responsible and accepting that is the first step to saving your sanity, but the second step is going forward to make your own life easier, because that is going to make it less painful to solve problems you didn't create. It's okay to be a little selfish about it.
Regardless of who is responsible for some of the things that happen to us in our lives, we have to handle the after-effects. The other people who are involved with the problem should also be part of the solution, but even if you’re left to your own devices, that doesn’t give you a free pass to not deal with the issues going on inside your head. Remind yourself that you aren’t the reason that certain things are panning out the way that they are, that way you don’t have the guilt of that following you around. Then, once you remind yourself, it’s time to take a deep breath and a big step forward into dealing with all the ramifications of the problems that you didn’t cause. Curse, cry, pull at your hair--whatever it takes to get yourself through it, but just get through it because the faster you recognize and repair all the damage done, the faster you can move on from it.
No one wants to deal with problems they aren’t responsible for, but sometimes, we have to. When you do deal with these problems, remember that you're doing it for yourself so that you can feel better. Because the quicker you deal with it, the quicker you don’t have to be dealing with it anymore. And, the quicker you finish dealing with it, the quicker you can be responsible for taking yourself somewhere fun, like the beach, where you can pretend that none of the problems you’ve been dealing with ever existed.
