I've found myself many times not desiring to read God's word. My small group at church took on a challenge together to read the Bible 20 minutes a day and pray for 10, a total of 30 minutes with God for 30 days. I really enjoyed it at first, but then I began to view it as a routine, a chore, something to check off. I stopped reading regularly, and kept my prayers short, only talking to God when I needed something quickly. I soon realized I wasn't the only one feeling this way, because I found others were struggling as well. A few of us decided to try to read something together, for accountability's sake. We collectively agreed on Psalm 23, one that each of us knew by heart. In reading this, my prayer was that I'd understand it to a different degree than before, and experience Jesus through thumbing across the verses. The following was what ensued: a verse by verse Hannah-flavored take on the old song of David. This was so life-giving that I wanted to share this with all of you readers and challenge you to experience something new and vibrant from something old - whatever that might be for you.
This is Psalm 23 in the words of my own heart.
A paraphrase of Hannah Joy:
You never allow me to lack anything.
Oh how it feels to lie down in the greenest of grasses on a clear and crisp autumn day, filled with relaxation and wonder.
The waters that I adore so deeply are still, serene. They calm me, their lapping waves rolling in and out, in and out, rhythmic and alluring.
Like a pop can, with tab loudly cracking open, the cool bubbly beverage glides down my desert-like throat, bringing refreshment and invigoration. You rejuvenate me.
Like riding my bicycle down an evenly paved path, racing with a smile bursting onto my face as the rushing wind takes my breath away, You guide me down the right and beautiful path, solely for the glory and the splendor and fame of Your name which is “I AM.”
When it’s so scary that I can barely breathe or focus and everything spooks me at once and I black out and can’t process and am sick and sorrowed and senseless, I acknowledge that I don’t have to be afraid at all. I don’t have to let the thoughts suffocate me and I don’t have to hold my breath. I can relax and deeply inhale and know that You and I are a team. I can rest in the fact that You hold me and rock me and climb into bed next to me and stroke my hair and let me hear Your heartbeat and pray over me. I’m the safest and most at peace because You are there and You love me no matter what. It wouldn't matter if I were incoherent, speechless, knocked out, far away, or in any other dark place. Why is that? Your love drives my fear into the ground, extinguishes it and lets me rejoice in its death and burial. Your perfect love leaves no room for fear. You, Good Shepherd, You comfort me, tell me I’m beautiful, I’m good, I’m not a failure, You believe in me and that’s restful and brings solace to my weary heart.
You lay out the tangiest cranberry juice and the creamiest macaroni and cheese (Annie’s, right?!) and You pull out my chair for me, scooching me in with a kiss on the cheek, smacking loud enough for all to hear. All those who hate me and are not on my team secretly want to be me, because my Daddy - my God - makes time for me, He cherishes serving his most prized and precious daughter. You swoop my fly-aways from my brow, You run your thumb over my forehead with adoration and pride, You call me child, You delight in saying my name out loud. My heart, were it a cup, overflows with acceptance and approval, my joy is complete, my security is with You, all my shame and failure fades out of view as I lock eyes with my gracious and relentless Father. I desire to freeze this moment in time and play it over and over again.
All that You are, all Your goodness, all Your mercy, every sweet kiss You blow to me across the heavens and every tender word You breathe into the depths of my heart I rejoice in! I’ll never be lacking love lavished upon me, because no matter where I go, or don’t go, You are with me. In You I have found my home. You have made a way to savor all the things You’ve done for me -- I have a life set for eternity. You’ve placed this desire to dwell with You to no end in my heart. And I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, there’s no place I’d rather be than in Your midst.
Hallelujah! Let it be so.
