It's been one of those days where I feel like every hour, almost every minute, is a struggle. It's one of those days when I feel like every moment since I woke up, till the hour that I finally fall asleep, I am fighting. Fighting against negative, heartbroken thoughts that keep spearing their way through with the sharpness of a knife, jabbing into the hopeful, happy thoughts that I am trying hard to focus on. It's one of those days when I'm fighting almost continually against panic attacks that cause my breathing to become shallow and my limbs feel like iron rods concreted into the ground. It's the kind of day where the unhealthy habits that I've been stuck with for years seem to have more than their usual power over me. I feel like all I'm doing all day is saying "no, don't" to myself, such as, "No, don't eat more, you'll get a stomach ache because you just ate, you just crave food because of stress," and "No, don't pick your sore, you already made it bleed several times. It won't distract you from the sadness and stress." And even when I try, as one of my mentors advised, to rephrase it to something more positive, I still feel the "no don'ts" bouncing around in my head. I lose track of how many times I pick up my phone on days like this, with the intention of texting a friend to relieve my feelings. Sometimes I give in to the bad habit and send that text which makes me feel badly because I know I am using a friend to build me up and help me cope, instead of struggling on my own. I always feel discouraged and exhausted on days like these. I feel like I am never going to get any stronger, that I am never going to feel peaceful, secure and able to handle stress in healthy ways. This is when I need to remind myself that struggling has to come before success and that even Jesus struggled. Jesus fought the temptations too. In the desert, He was tempted to eat, but he fought against it because it was God's Will for Him to fast. When He knew he was going to be arrested, He begged God to "less this cup pass," from him. As He carried his cross, Jesus struggled against weakness and sorrow. Jesus knows about struggling. He knows how exhausting it is to battle with the devil who tempts us to make bad choices. But the important thing we need to remember is, struggling is not bad. Struggling does NOT mean that we are weak or farther away from our goals. Struggling is a sign that we are moving forward, that we are getting closer to success. On days like these, I need to realize that, the very fact that I am fighting and trying to not give in to unhealthy or bad habits, means that I am growing stronger, not weaker. If I was becoming weaker, I would be giving in to the bad habits, and letting the anxiety take over. But instead of giving in, I am struggling. Giving in to bad habits is sadly effortless for most of us. It does not require struggling. What does take endless effort and prayer is to put down my phone before sending a complaining text, to resist eating more when I know I've had as much as is healthy for me, to breathe and move forward when panic and depression floods me, and to jerk my nails away from my face before I pick my sores. Today was one of those days, when nearly every minute is a struggle. And that's a good thing, because it means that I am trying to resist temptation and the devil. It means that I am following in Jesus' footsteps.