Depression is real. It is scary. It leads people to do things no one ever thinks they will do, like killing themselves or attempting to harm themselves. While I have never actually thought about ending my own life, I know that there have been days that were darker than others. There are days of happiness and laughter. There are average days. There are days when it feels like the world is out to get you or that you don't have a place in it. It is all a part of depression. It is something I struggle with daily. I have a family history of depression on both of my parents' sides, so that doesn't really help things. It wasn't so bad at first, but then one day I just sunk into this deep depression out of the blue. Everything was fine. I was laughing along with a coworker when all of a sudden I felt like there was this sadness that just enveloped me and there was no escaping it. It was like the life just got sucked out of me, and there was nothing I could do or say to change it. It was just gone. Just like that. It lasted about a week or two, but it was hard to keep track of the time. Depression has a way of doing that to you.

I wish there was a way to explain it. It seems that with research and new technology that there would be a cure for depression, but each day that passes is just another day to me. One more day that I survived. I still have days of happiness and laughter, but masked within those days are days that I feel like there is just a black cloud following me around, waiting to pour out all the sadness it contains with no sign of stopping anytime soon. I wish it would stop. I wish it would all stop. It gets tiring just getting out of bed some days, and other days I feel as though I am on top of the world.

Then there are the little echoes inside my head telling me that I don't matter. That I don't fit in and that I shouldn't try so hard to. They tell me that no one cares about me and no one would notice if I had died or gone missing. Sometimes they make me feel more insecure than I already do about my appearance and weight. They'll remind me that I don't need to wear the "tighter" shirt because I'm fat or that I should only wear loose, baggy clothes to better hide the fat stomach.

There is a silver lining in all of this though, and it is that no matter how I am feeling, I know that God is bigger than any of my problems or feelings. I know that one day when I am no longer able to draw breath or pump blood through my veins, I will be in Heaven with my Savoir, rejoicing and singing praises to the One that created all things. That alone is enough to keep me going (well, that and my three dogs that love to greet me at the door every day after work and school). I cannot bear the thought of leaving them forever. They freak out when I go outside without them to get something from my car or check the mail. They are my babies. Some days I feel like I love them more than I love myself.

You may not be a person of faith like me, but you matter. Every single thing you do matters. You may not feel like it now, but it's true. Some days will be darker than others, but in the end, you will come out on top. It is hard, but it will be worth it some day. Everyone has a purpose. You may have already discovered yours, or you may have not. If you haven't, I encourage you to do so. Please.

http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-vers...

Visit this article. It is a little lengthy but worth the read.