As of recently I’ve become OK with being alone. As in single but, maybe not so ready to mingle. Seriously, just spending some time all on my own. To some of you, this might seem like the craziest thing you have read -- besides the amount of assignments you have listed in your planner due by the week’s end. Not having someone hitting you up with those constant lovey dovey texts can be, dare I say it, a relief. The realization that you do not need to be perpetually worrying over someone else’s well-being can be, dare I say it, nice. Extra weight brought on by a relationship can be so taxing, and sometimes, dare I say it, not worth it.

Of course, everyone longs to feel loved and important to someone else, and I am no exception in this category. But let me ask, what’s more rewarding than lovin’ yo’self? Honestly, I cannot say I have ever felt a better feeling than being able to say I am happy with who I am as an individual, and not only as someone’s girlfriend. To be satisfied with love from yourself, God, family, and friends is an amazing accomplishment and totally normal! “Yes, this sounds wonderful!” you are telling yourself, “But how do I do that?”

In my exploration of ridin’ solo thus far, here are some steps I’ve compiled to help get you there too:

• Let go of the idea that you need a man/boyfriend/significant other to be happy. Also, let go of the similar idea that if you don’t have one of the above, you have to be sad and in a continuous state of searching for one. At first it’ll be uncomfortable and take some getting used to, but it’s worth it, I promise. In reality, you do not need someone telling you, “you’re beautiful” to grasp that you are indeed beautiful. Do not allow your self-esteem to disintegrate at the thought of not having someone constantly there to bolster it. C’mon, you’re better than that and you know it.

• Do things on your own. For real, go to the caf, go shopping, take a walk, workout, go to church, read a book, meditate, listen to music, drink wine or have a beer, watch Netflix. You could even sit in silence. I said things, as in any activity you might regularly do with someone else. This includes friends. No, Deborah is not allowed to join you on your walk, this is about you. How else will you have the time and silence to think about how calming spending time with yourself can be? To start, you may feel lost on what to do with yourself, but as time goes on, you’ll find yourself desperately looking forward to these pastimes you now enjoy independently.

• Build your relationship with God rather than with a partner. The word I’ve been saying you need to avoid (relationship), yes, now you need to work on it. No relationship, no matter how perfect it feels, is ever exempt from effort. Start searching for the bigger picture of your existence. Start finding answers to the ever-critical question concerning the meaning of life. Start expounding your purpose in this life. I realize I cannot assume you are all Christians, or followers of Christ. If you are not, you may consider that it could be a next step you are ready to take in your life. If not, that is cool too; I am just letting you in on what it has taken me to get to this point of serenity in my life.

• Twin-size beds are not exactly ideal for cuddling. My experiences have proven this to be very true on many different accounts. No one likes a snorer, a bed hog or a restless sleeper. Plus, who doesn’t love their space?

• Last, but certainly not least: take the time to learn about yourself and reflect on this life. It is a crazy one, we all are aware of that fact; but don’t be quick to forget it is our only one. Especially this point in our lives, where everything is being turned upside down and inside out. We will never be here again. It can genuinely feel like it is too much at times, while at the same time feeling like the most remarkable time too. Hardships bring out people’s true character, not omitting your own. During the time you spend by yourself, truly think about the path you are taking in life. It can be scary, but now is the time to change it if need be. If you find that you are confident in where life is taking you, carry on. Either way, learn something about yourself and cherish this time.

If you are currently happy in a relationship, don’t go breaking up with your significant other the second you click out of this link. That is not at all what I am asking you to do. But even during a solid relationship a person needs their space. It is still a possibility to take a couple hours a week to spend solo (this includes putting down the cell phones, laptops, iPods, etc.), regardless of your status. Doing this has even been proven to decrease chances of depression and enhance your other relationships. There is a fine line between being lonely, and being alone.

If you are single now, I am also not saying you should stay that way forever, if that’s not what you want. But you need to love yourself before anyone else can. Being uncomfortable in your own skin will only lead to undesired stresses in any relationship you become a part of. Because relationships end (usually), and if you are not already in the state to be OK on your own, it will make it that much harder for you.

Some people may not be ready to be on their own, but I challenge you, to challenge yourself, if this is something you can do. Deep down I hope this helps you to really be OK with being alone sometimes. That it also makes you realize you are an adequate comrade in and of yourself. I think Lynyrd Skynyrd said it best in their song, “Simple Man”.

“You’ll find a (wo)man and you’ll find love,

And don’t forget there is someone up above.

Be a simple kind of (wo)man

And be something you love and understand.

All that you need is in your soul,

All I want for you is to be satisfied.”