Writer’s block is real, and it’s a pain in the a**. Even the most colorful and decorated writers, such as the fabulous Carrie Bradshaw, have faced this dilemma. To be specific, Miss Bradshaw experiences this in Season Five, Episode Two of her notorious show "Sex and the City." To compensate for her lack of inspiration, she halfheartedly attempts to create a column featuring “men as socks.” While Carrie quickly quits this creative conquest, I will attempt to finish her quirky concept…

Argyles 

The safe sock, the safe man. Argyles are dependable- and predictable. Probably an accountant or a lawyer, these men are the type you bring home to mama. You can count on them to bring home the bacon. That same boring bacon, that is. While this type of man can fulfill your smart and sensitive needs, you may find yourself longing for adventure and pizazz.

Nikes 

The jock sock. For the beefy hunk who hits the gym on the reg. What these men lack in brains they make up for in brawn. They are determined to woo the ladies with a six pack of charm and a bulky, oiled up arm. If you’re seeking a man who can lift cars off of children or rescue kittens from the tops of trees, look no further. However, don’t expect an intellectual conversation on the global warming crisis.

Trousers

The arrogant sock. For the snooty someone who treads ten steps ahead of you. These men only show their affection behind closed doors. Expect Netflix Nights paired with fancy home-cooked meals. You can also bet you’re not the only woman in Trouser’s life. Expect to see him in a tabloid with the hottest new socialite. If you love diamonds, pearls, and cheating, this is your guy.

Slouch 

The man who drags his feet, the sixth-year senior, the guy that still gets his mom to do his laundry. While easygoing and carefree, these men have issues with commitment and responsibility. They could easily down a bag of Cheetos while wearing the same sweatpants they’ve been sleeping in for the past week. He’s up for snuggling and sleeping in, but convincing this guy to step into a suit or get a stable job will prove more than challenging.

Toe Socks 

Socks suited for the ultimate hipster. This guy never misses Bonnaroo or Coachella. He enjoys, more than anything, smoking a certain illegal substance and jamming to Bob Marley. His prospects include… nothing. Not much to be said except that he was a sk8er boy, she said see ya l8ter boy…

I hope now, before you accept a date invitation from some man you make sure to checkout his choice of footwear, for it will be a check on his character. As told by the goddess of sexy, stylish writing- “this article socks.”