Love is a funny thing. It gets funnier the older I get. You get told this is how you need to feel. “If you’re not dating your best friend you’re doing something wrong.” Or, “ Get a man that does x, y, and z.”

Then you get shown all these pictures and videos of just exactly what that’s supposed to be. The thing is I can’t wrap my head around telling someone else the exact lay out of a relationship they’re supposed to have because the truth is I can’t recall a time I perfectly described how I felt about a romantic partner or what would make one of my relationships “perfect”.

The kicker is there is no trademark feeling or guidebook anyone has as a reference for this kind of stuff. We are all so unbelievably unique in our own separate experiences. Some of us prefer clingy and affectionate while others want the exact opposite in a relationship for a variety of reasons.

Different periods of your life also affect how you feel about someone or what you need from them. There have been times when I’ve found myself completely and utterly content with the people in my life. I would be extremely close with my friends and surprisingly satisfied with my partner. Then other people’s expectations would creep into my mind. “Is he really your best friend?” “Are you spending enough time with him?” “Does he post pictures of you or talk about you enough?”

Inevitably I let my overthinking dig the relationship into a grave. After it was all over and the self-sabotaging had come to an end I had time to really reflect on myself during the relationship and the relationship as a whole. Did I really even want my face to be plastered all over his friends’ timelines?

What even determines a best friendship with a romantic partner from another? It all came down to what everybody else had told me was supposed to happen or what I was supposed to feel and all it accomplished was me ending a relationship I genuinely was happy in.

As I’ve grown up a bit and gained some confidence I’ve learned an important lesson about relationships in this culture; no one can feel what you’re feeling or want what you want for you. Make decisions for yourself and trust your own instincts.