A couple of years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression. It affected my life dramatically and I thought that things would never get better. My life was in a haze for months, to the point where I would start to wonder if it was all really worth it.

Yeah, it sucked, but I did have some good days. Days where I found myself laughing more than usual and feeling really positive about the way things were going. Those days were the best. However, there was always that one thing that managed to bring me down. In the middle of one of those good days, someone always managed to say, "You're not depressed. People who are depressed don't smile." I never knew how to respond to that. I always just laughed it off, but now, I tell those people:

Just because I smile, doesn't mean my depression doesn't exist.

While most days were awful and I could barely force myself out of bed, I couldn't be super sad EVERY day. So yeah, I would have good days, and if not good days, I would at least have good moments. People are under the belief that depression puts a frown on our faces every second of every day, but that's not true. It might take over our mind almost always, but we still have the capability to smile.

And in those times, that's all I wanted -- to smile. I didn't want to be sad all of the time. Do you know how stressful that is? To second guess every move you make and every word you say constantly? To feel that everyone around you hates you? To wake up every day thinking that everyone would be better off if you just didn't get out of bed? It ate me alive every time those thoughts ran through my head. It took all of me to fight them off and think positively. So on the days where I was with my friends, the days I was able to laugh until I cried, the days I felt loved...man...those were the days. I never wanted those days, those moments of happiness, to end. But it was never too long before the beast caught up with me.

I learned quickly to hold onto that feeling for all it was worth. I constantly told myself that, soon, it would come more than once every couple of weeks.

OK, so maybe I did feel awful for a while, but I never wanted others to feel as I did. My goal every day since I have been 17 is to brighten someone's day. Even through the darkest times, I held this goal to a high priority. Try to make someone's day with a frown on...newsflash -- you can't.

I know what it's like to feel like no one cares.
I know what it's like to feel alone.
I know what it's like to cry for no reason.

I never want anyone else to feel like that...So I smiled through it all. I ensured that people knew how much I cared. I ensured that everyone had someone there for them because that's all I wanted on those hard days.

One of the biggest points I would like to make, is helping everyone know that it rarely just GOES AWAY. I could be completely happy for months, and sometimes Depression shows it's face again and threatens to take away all of my hard work. And the worst thing to hear is people say, "Well, it was gone right? So this is nothing." But it's not. Often, when it comes back, it is worse than it was before because, at one point, I was used to it. But after being happy for so long, it hits like a brick. It won't last very long, but while it's here, I need people there who understand.

I apologize to those who were around me because a lot of my smiles were fake. A lot of the "I'm feeling great today!"s...were lies. A lot of the, "I think things are finally getting better!"s...were lies. I smiled to make all of you feel better. I smiled. To make you smile.

So the next time your friend confides in you that they suffer from depression, do not question them. Do not treat them differently or distance yourself from them. Make them smile. Give them the confidence that you are always there for them. Give them the best days of their lives when they need it the most. But more importantly, please remember: just because they are smiling, does not mean their depression isn't real.