I get told all the time how brilliant I am. It’s a compliment, something I should be proud of. The truth is, I do take pride in the fact that I’m smart, and I do feel overwhelmingly honored when someone comments on my intelligence. But what they don’t know is how hard I have worked for those comments.
I’m not one of those people that can get a 100 on an exam without studying. I’m not the type of person to instantly make connections, to instantly understand a topic, or who can do quick math in my head. My intelligence is something that I have worked terribly hard for. So this is for the boys and girls who work hard for their knowledge – I understand.
I have spent endless hours in the library, studying, researching, and doing and re-doing assignments. I have slept on the library floor, using my backpack as a pillow on nights before big exams because I just needed that extra study time. I have gotten lost in the catalogs looking for books I needed for research, I have somehow managed to get delivery service to the library because I couldn’t spare a second to eat. I have done all of this just to learn, to understand, to be smart.
I buy every textbook, required or not. I read them from cover to cover. I highlight, underline, annotate, and cry on them. There are post-it notes sticking from all angles, and my bag weighs about forty pounds more than I do because they go everywhere with me. I mean, there are times that they sleep with me, so I guess we can get pretty intimate.
Office hours are amazing. Getting to know your professors and teaching assistants outside of the classroom is fun, but getting a one-on-one education about a topic that you’re passionate about is even more exhilarating. I spend roughly 2 extra hours a week per class by attending office hours.
There are 24 hours in a day. I am awake roughly 15 hours of that time, and I spend about 13 of the 15 doing work of some sort. I constantly get complaints from my friends and family saying that I need a social life, that I need to loosen up, that taking some time to myself will do me some good. I suppose they have a point. But at the same time, they all brag about the things I know, about my ability to understand any situation that I am put in, my ability to hold conversations with anyone about anything and everything. What they don’t realize is that if I did have a social life and did take time to myself, I wouldn’t have all of the things that they find so amazing.
I’m the smart girl that works way too hard for that title. I’m the smart girl that works too hard in general. It's not something that comes naturally to me, something that I can just do. My intelligence is hard-earned, with very little free time, very little fun. But one day, when I get my degree, when I have obtained the knowledge that I feel will suffice, I’ll have my fun, I’ll have my life. But for now, I’m the girl that works too hard.
