"What the heck am I doing?" This thought raced through my head hundreds of times during my first semester, let alone the first week, of college last fall. It was me, myself, and I just trying to take on the world.
Okay, so maybe it was not quite like that. It was more or less me, a wee little freshman, trying to take on my college campus. I stumbled aimlessly across campus, only seeing a familiar face from orientation here or there and I realized just how little I was. Not in stature, but in actually existing and having a place in the world. I was only one person on a campus of nearly 4,500 students, not including professors and university staff. That's a really small percentage to all you non-math people out there. And some of you are probably saying that 4,500+ people on campus really is not a lot, but for a girl from a relatively small(ish) town, that many people in one location was pretty daunting.
I felt like a small fish in a very, very big pond. And that was only campus! The city itself is just shy of 400,000 people! Okay, my hometown is a little over 14,400 so I am not from the middle of nowhere, but I am pretty close! In all reality, how "important" was I? How was I ever going to find where I fit in? Or heck, even stand out and impact someone's life in a positive manner? Was anyone going to notice me? All these selfish thoughts clouded my mind throughout my first few days and even weeks on campus. Looking back, after being here for almost two full years, I am ashamed that these thoughts pervaded my mind. While it wasn't for an extended amount of time, they still followed me around during the days where I was supposed to be making memories and friends and not be so self-absorbed.How was I ever going to make it on campus or in town in general? I had no idea what I was doing!
Once the self-centered thoughts left my mind. I was able to actually start experiencing all that my beautiful college campus had to offer, from the people, yes all 4,500 of them, to the atmosphere and truly amazing environment. Even though campus was somewhat overwhelming the first couple of days I was here, I somehow knew that this wonderful campus would become home. I had no idea why I was thinking of that right then and there, but for some reason, I knew it would all work out in the end.
Little did I know that the people who were all around me would soon become some of the greatest people that I would ever know. Whether they were to become my life-long friends, the one person with whom I shared everything, or even the person who offered me a friendly smile in the line at the coffee shop on one of my really bad days, they would all impact my life in tremendous ways. Not only did they do this throughout all of my first year, but people all over campus have continued to be truly wonderful. Thank you campus and all those who have impacted my life over course of my time here. I am forever grateful to you all. Thank you from a small town girl.
