If beauty is in the eye of the behold, does it truly exist? Likewise for love. We have these terms we use to rate our appreciation of another, but this rating translates differently for each individual. Like colorblindness and the idea that we all see different versions of red, we all feel different versions of love and put those versions on to different people.

But you cannot express and make someone else feel the love you have for him, or her. Or how exactly your heart stung when he said goodbye. My point is that no one knows what is inside your head but you. Therefore, you do not owe anyone an explanation of your life, it is solely yours to live. We as humans have a responsibility to respect and to love. But respect and love yourself first.

I wish I understood this more growing up, instead of letting the world inside my head a little more than I should’ve. My thoughts are entirely mine and so are my actions. I am not worried about offending others that play no part. You see I have been trying to find myself I guess, like most college kids do. But not in that I want to know who I am as a person, or striving to find utter and complete happiness, but even more so, to be content.

You see, I know what I like, and I know who I am. I am my regrets and my desires, things longed for and my ambition. And while I will not hinder another’s happiness, I don’t owe anyone anything.

We as humans are selfish. We as humans are people pleasers. We are made to be contradicting, self benefiting creatures. I suppose its a matter of the pattern and the way others are woven into our lives, and our lives into theirs. That we all affect one another in the most minuscule of ways; in passing by strangers and exchanging smiles, or glances, interactions at the store.

Our families, and the notion that maybe we were meant to live life together for a purpose. Life is such a bigger picture than we deem it out to be. Often times we are so caught up in the smallest details of our lives, ignoring that there is a world outside of our selves and our beings. That are we more than a shell, that we are an entity that is made up of a million things. Everything in and of itself, is beautifully complex. And I am just trying to wrap my head around it.