Hey. I know this is probably the first genuine “Hey” you’ve received in a while. Seeming as if everyone is against you while you’re jammed in this spiral of dejection and combat. You were kind of thrown into this junk, I know. Given no tutorial on how to withstand the praised character of what everyone expects. It’s bullsh*t, and I hate that for you. I know you shoot your head straight down when your peers walk by because your little mind has adopted the false reality that everyone detects all of the wrongdoings you’ve done when their eyes meet yours. I know where you’re standing in this very moment is never the image you had ever painted while growing up.

I know your mind wanders back to the small conversations you had with dad when you were younger. You guys talked about your dreams together and he told you how he would always be proud of you no matter what. And mom… oh, mom. I know you always looked up to her and her big dreams. You two use to laugh and be the best of friends. I know you think back to those moments and it feels like a blade through your heart and then turns numb. Because now, all there is between mom and dad is strife and hatred. And I know you don’t mean the things that you say to them and the way that you act towards them. I know your heart cries out for them but you feel as if you’re too far away to make amends. But listen my dear, their heart is crying for you just as much as yours is for them. They’re your biggest fans. They’re in constant prayer for you and anything they have done up to this point has been to try and help you. They love you and see past your circumstances. Whatever you do, don’t abandon them, you’re going to need them.

I know you’re searching in anything you can get your hands on to find yourself. But oh my sweet girl, stop and breathe before it’s too late. You’re so beautiful but what you’re doing is stripping it all away. That boy. You know who I’m talking about. I know he stole everything from you and I know he broke everything about you. But can I tell you that in a few years, he will be having a child with your best friend at the moment? He’s not worth it my love. And neither is she.

You dropped out of school last week because you thought you could run from the unthinkable and disgusting act that just happened to you. And now you look at yourself in the mirror at loss while the tears flood your eyes. I know you look at what you’re smoking, and what you’re swallowing with the voice in the back of your head telling you no. I know you think drinking your problems away is the solution to this hell that you’ve gotten yourself in. But I also know you’re coming to terms with the fact that you’re getting worse. I know you’re tired of allowing these boys to take advantage of you. I know you’re tired of the things that people are saying about you. I know you’re tired of feeling lost at sea with no captain. And feeling as if your biggest enemy is writing the pages of your life. I know you’re tired of it all. But please, put down the pen to your goodbye letter. Don’t do it.

You don’t see what’s ahead of you right now. But my girl, my beautiful lost girl, let me share with you. In just a few months, you’re going to be in college. At sixteen, surrounded by genuine people. Sounds crazy, doesn’t it? They’re going to introduce you to Jesus, you know, the man who you use to talk to when you were younger. He’s going to meet you in your mess and it’s going to change your whole life. All this hurt, all this uncertainty, everything is going to change. So please, don’t give up just yet.

A little over a year from now, you’re going to be in your second year of college. In that year, you’re going to truly find yourself. And you’re going to publicly speak to a recovery group about your story and how you overcame. Three years from now, you’re going to be all grown up and moved out on your own. Preparing yourself for another school back home in Georgia. You’re going to have the healthiest relationship with your parents. You’re going to be in love with yourself and who you are. Your heart is going to be pure and unwithered. You’re going to know your values and morals. You’re going to look back on all your mistakes and brokenness and you’re going to nod your head. Why? Because it’s what made you, you. And you’re going to be so in love with the fact that your story is unchangeable. You’re going to have a voice that people are drawn to. You’re going to have a walk of confidence and you’re going to love endlessly with any soul that you come across.

I know all of that sounds wack, and unrealistic. But my girl, all of this is coming to an end. Hold on a little longer, you’re stronger than you think.

Sincerely, almost-19 you.