When I first came to college, I assumed every college class perfectly mimicked the scenes depicted in “Legally Blonde.” Elle enters her first class. Full of at least 100 students, they’re all geniuses. All of them are wearing some shade of gray, they’re quiet, and they all respond to the teacher in a timely and effective manner.
You can only imagine my surprise when I entered my first class—English 101.
I thought I’d left high school behind, but turns out the class clown ended up going to college too.
Bear with me as I unveil the 16 types of people you find in your college classroom.
1. The kid who always comes in late.
Whether it’s the 8 a.m., 2 p.m., or evening class, this person stealthily (or so they think) creeps in the room about five to ten minutes after class has started.
2. The hot frat boy you’ll see about three times this semester because he never goes to class.
You’ll ask if he needs the notes next time you see him though, right?
3. The kid with the really loud voice.
It’s so weird because every time they talk, you swear your seat is shaking and you’re wondering if anyone else can feel it too.
4. The seat-claimer.
This person has a designated seat that they sit in the same time every class. And one time you accidentally sat in this person’s seat, and they just walked by really slow and stared at you the whole time, looking really offended and lost.
5. The student that always goes to office hours.
You only know that guy if you are that guy. Should have warned you.
6. Foodie.
They’re a little plump, and about 20 minutes after class starts, they whip out some really weird food and every student in the class can smell this bizarre, distracting aroma.
7. The obvious freshman.
You have only seen this guy wear vineyard vines, khaki shorts, and Sperry’s. Oh, except for those few times he wore an FSU shirt.
8. The study guide creator.
You all talk about how annoyed you are that they have to mention they got an A on the midterm (and why is the study guide $20?!), but secretly they are definitely the reason you have any chance at getting an A and you wonder what they look like in person.
9. The grade-grubber.
Stop saying everything that the teacher just said in more complicated wording. It doesn’t make you look smarter. By the way, we get it, you passed the AP test for this class already.
10. The girls in the front row who only show up because the teacher is hot.
But they also show up because stimulating intellectual concepts offered in this course couldn’t be more interesting… right?
11. Your three-month best friend.
How many times did you swear you’d go out together? How many times did you try to sign up for another class together? How many times do you awkwardly see them on campus and try to never make eye contact because now you only follow each other on Instagram?
12. The class clown.
Someone told me recently that the college version of a class clown is really hilarious until they make one bad joke. Then they’re that weird kid and you cringe when they talk.
How true, how true.
13. That person who always has a story.
Very different from the Grade Grubber. This person isn’t interested in impressing the teacher, only the other students.
To this person: consider this a public service announcement. No one cares what happened to you in third grade. Your story telling makes me feel second-hand awkwardness for you.
14. The kid who shows up still drunk from the night before every class.
This class is before noon and is mandatory attendance. Could easily be either a boy or a girl.
15. The person that looks way too good to be just going to class.
Yet, they are just going to class. This person is almost always a freshman. Someday soon, they’ll give in to the ways of the t-shirt.
16. Ghosts.
If you’ve ever met someone out and they say, “Yeah, I think we’re in College Algebra together,” yet you’ve never seen anything remotely like this person before, they’re a ghost. They come and go every class, but do they really exist?
17. You.
You’re perfect. It’s hard to be in a class with all these degenerates, but someone’s gotta do it.
