I am a cat person, raised by a family of cat people. All my life I've grown up around cats, petting them, playing with them and attempting to convince them that the small brown nuggets in the little bowls are actually food.
My family owns 4 cats right now, along with a guinea pig for the cats to terrorize and a little old dog who's pretty much also a cat. If there's one thing I've learned from living with at least one cat at all times, it's this: they are our overlords. Dog owners are used to measuring a pet's value in loyalty, obedience, protection and moral goodness. Cat owners don't look for any of that because cats are above such irrelevant characteristics.
I love cats and I will tell you that if you're thinking about getting one, here is what you're signing up for:
1. Cats are the real home-owners.
When you adopt a cat, it'll be timid and unsure of its surroundings for a while. But after a month or so, your new animal will begin to strut around like it owns the place. Within a year, your cat will explore every corner of its new home and find ways to get into trouble you won't expect to occur to anyone ever (and then only you can rescue them). And after a few years, there'll be a new sheriff in town. You will find your cat sitting on highest vantage points in the house, where it can be taller than everyone else and survey its territory. And if you own an outdoor cat, just know it'll come and go as it pleases.
2. Cats are high-maintenance.
Cats have a history of pampering that goes back thousands of years. Ancient Egyptians loved their dear felines so much, they actually mummified and entombed them after they passed away. It's deep in cats' blood to be treated like royalty. That means when they're bored you'd better entertain them, when they're lonely you'd better pet them, and when they're hungry you'd better feed them- and no, not just any old cat food will do. Many cats are also picky eaters, and if you don't have exactly the treats they want you might never hear the end of it. As a cat owner you must accept your role of servitude.
3. Cats are funny.
Sometimes they're straight up hilarious. All you need to entertain your cat- when it feels like spending time with you- is a piece of string, a crinkled-up wad of paper, or a laser pointer. These cheap little toys can stave off your cat's boredom for whole, entire minutes! You can watch them pounce like lions and run like cheetahs. Even when they aren't playing, sometimes the little things cats do are just plain silly.
(By the way! For some mysterious reason, cats hate cucumbers. Check out this video compilation of cats getting spooked by cucumbers to see what fun you can have with a feline and a vegetable.)
4. Cats don't apologize for anything.
The cats my family has owned over the years have had wildly different personalities, but one similarity between all of them is they act like everything they do is intentional. This includes anything from petty mischief like drinking right out of your water glass and cruel behavior like bullying weaker animals. It also means they have no sense of embarrassment. If your cat fails to land a big jump or accidentally steps into water, you can bet it'll just walk away like nothing happened. The cat's mantra: "Nah, I meant to do that."
5. Cats either demand your attention OR completely ignore you.
There isn't really a gray area. Cats are affectionate creatures, but only on their schedule. When you're not busy and want to spend time with your cat, chances are it'll be involved in other affairs, like staring at the wall or picking on the dog. Most of the time it's whenever you're doing something, like homework or an internet or drawing, that your Almighty felis domesticus wants your attention. It's rude but irresistible!
6. Cats are purr machines.
What's better than resting your ear on your sleepy cat's side and feeling the deep, happy rumbling within their bodies? Not much.
One last thing you ought to know- have you ever wondered why cats purr? Look no further:
