As New Year’s weekend comes to a close and the novelty of 2016 begins to fade (for most of us at least), and we return to our daily grind, it appears to be time for some introspection. Maybe you’re a New Year’s defector. Maybe you think celebrating the new year is overrated, and that New Year’s Eve is a disappointment every year. Maybe to you, it’s just another excuse for people to get drunk and skip work the next day. Regardless, chances are, you believe in New Year's resolutions because it gives you an opportunity to imagine a fresh start. By and large, everyone shares a common lack of self-satisfaction, and a general desire to improve themselves or their lives in some way. New Year’s resolutions are the easiest way to let everyone know you mean well, and the hardest way to actually make a substantial improvement in your life. Old habits die hard, so let's take a look at some of the most common New Year’s resolutions you will never actually keep.
1. "This year, I'll actually go to the gym regularly. I really mean it this time."
It's a well-documented phenomenon, that after New Year's, gyms experience major increases in business, only to be disappointed by declines a week or two later. Getting in shape is a commitment, and unfortunately, starting is the easy part. And people wonder why Americans are made fun of for being fat and lazy.
2. "I'm going to become a morning person."
Nothing encourages the transition from night owl to early riser quite like getting belligerently drunk on New Year's Eve and starting the new year off with a debilitating hangover. Just face it, your sleep schedule is screwed and there's no changing it.
3. "I'm going to eat healthy this year."
The gym is a demanding commitment. Developing a healthy diet is another beast, especially for a broke college student. Who in their right mind would waste money on whole grains, fruits and vegetables when McDonald's, Taco Bell and Domino's exist?
4. "I'm going to stop procrastinating."
I'd buy it, if not for the fact that I've had this resolution since I started high school. Maybe next year. Or the next one.
5. "I'm going to figure out who I should keep in my life and who has to go."
We all have those Facebook friends who rant about their social lives and their trust issues. It's typically the same people who haven't grown out of the "like for tbh" status phase from middle school.
6. "I'm going to save my money."
Well, this one is doable. Just cancel the gym membership and stick to fast food, eliminating numbers one and three, and you'll save some decent money. You may not live long enough to spend it, but you'll save it. Decisions, decisions.
There's something about the transition from December to January that makes us think we can suddenly become entirely different people. My resolutions are as follows: update iTunes, make a resume so someone might actually hire me someday, and delete the excessive amount of photos on my camera roll so I can clear enough space to download the new software update. If I can manage to get all of that done, I'll call 2016 a success.
