Six months.

Six long, amazing, stressful, insane, wonderful, crazy, months. I still can not believe it has been that long. It seems like only yesterday that you were kicking and moving inside me. I still remember the way it felt. How you would poke your little elbow or knee out. I remember hearing your heartbeat, so fast, and so beautiful, the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. It was six months ago, but it sure doesn’t seem that way.

On April 7th, 2016, six months ago, I was walking into the hospital, well, waddling. I headed to the L&D floor (Labor and Delivery), and I signed in, so nervous, after forty weeks and three days of being pregnant, and I was finally about to meet you, hold you, love you so much more than I was before. I had scheduled a cesarean section, due to two simple factors. The first being my body wasn’t ‘opening’ like it should. The second was because you, my scrumptious little devil, were not making you way down, or dropping. In fact, you had managed to scoot yourself up and, later during the surgery we would find out that you had squirmed yourself up under my ribs.

So we got there, your Daddy and I, and we were nervous. Very nervous. We got there and I waited, and waited. It seemed to have taken forever before I was taken back. The scariest part was for the anesthesia, that was, yikes. I still get a cold chill when I think about it. –insert cold chill here- Before I knew it I was laid down, waiting for the moment you would finally be here.

It happened so fast, one minute you were all snuggled inside me enjoying life, the next you were out and in this bright, new world. I didn’t get to see you until I was in recovery, sadly. When I did though, oh man. No amount of words could ever, ever, describe how I felt. The emotion that swelled in my heart! It was magical. I was very weak from the anesthesia but I managed to hold you with your Daddy’s help. Then you latched, something we both have never experienced before. I… I could never forget how amazing it was, how amazing and empowered and, loved I felt when you latched on and started nursing. All those chemicals were released and I became addicted, and we are still going strong thankfully. You were, and still are so bright eyed! Your bright blue eyes were so amazing as they scanned the room, finally resting on me as you realized, I was your mommy. You were so curious about this new world, and me, and you have not stopped being so curious, I hope you never lose that. I hope you always, always, want to explore and discover new things!

The 2 days we spent in the hospital was such a learning experience for us. When we were home it was hard at first, but then as time went on, the months passed, it got easier. We began to grow and learn more about each other, and I have fallen in love with who you are. With who you are becoming. You have learned so many things! If I were to type out all that you have learned it would fill up at least 3 pages! So I will stop here, for your sake.

I love you James. I am such a lucky mother to have you here, to help you grow and learn about the world around you. You have taught me so many things as well, you have helped me when I was feeling down and depressed, you always know when I am in my dark hole and always manage to pull me out, even if it’s just with a simple smile. I am eager to see what the next six months brings us! I know they will be filled with many more adventures and excitement!

I love you, don’t you ever forget that.

Love, forever,

Mommy