There's a fine line between giving your all and giving too much. This is a lesson so many people of my generation have struggled through learning, whether it be in a friendship or job setting, however I have seen this most within relationships.

The other day I saw a tweet that read, "maybe if y'all stop treating guys like your boy friends y'all wouldn't be so heartbroken all the time." Now it is rare that twitter leads me into a self-reflecting mood, but this hit me. We have all fallen victim to the "situationships" or undefined relationships that plague our generation, but this was a novel idea. What if instead of them being at fault for taking advantage of all I had to give, it was my fault for giving too much in this first place?

In a generation where everybody is obsessed with words like "loyalty", it took me some time to answer this question for myself. Of course I had been loyal, because that's just what you do when you have feelings for someone. You allow them to monopolize the most valuable thing you have: your time. You cancel plans for them, go out of your way to make sure they're comfortable, and you do whatever you can to help them, because that's what you do when you're in a relationship. The problem comes in when you realize YOU ARE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP.

This is when trouble starts to set in and resentment starts rearing its ugly head. We as people start to question everything we thought we knew and loved about the relationship, because in the eyes of our family members, friends, potential partners, and the general public, this relationship, that you have put everything into, just isn't real. Because it is not defined.

Then you have a talk. If your partner wants to be with you , then you win! You are able to go off into the sunset and live happily ever after. However, in this world where everyone wants more than what they have, it isn't so simple. As soon as your partner tells you they don't want to be with you, the resentment is back. This resentment doubles, then triples, and quadruples until you don't even know why you're there. All the beautiful things that were said sound like lies and you just feel less.. of everything. And then the dream dies. And then you're stuck and forced to break up with someone you weren't even with in the first place.

So how could all of this be avoided? With love. Now, I know what you're thinking; "Isn't love what got me into this mess in the first place?" But it's a deeper love than that: self love. In self love, you find the ability to truly be worry free about every situation because YOU KNOW YOUR WORTH. You know what it means it means to have you, and more importantly, you know what it means to lose you. You know what you have to offer and you know what you would like to gain. Most importantly, you have to love yourself enough to have love to give. It has to be healthy. it has to be honest, and it has to be free. In this love, you find the inner peace to say it's okay. You don't hold on to the things you lost or time you wasted because there is no wasted time if you learn the lesson.

And what is the lesson in all this? Love yourself FIRST and never ever give more love than you have for yourself.

To quote the beautiful and legendary RuPaul, "If you don't love yourself how in the hell you gon love somebody else. Can I get a amen up in here?"

Amen, RuPaul, amen.