I often find myself talking to guys who unexpectedly stop talking to me. They end up being the kind of guy your mother warns you about when you are a teenager. On one hand you have the type of guy who will take you out on one date only to try and take advantage of you on the second, and then there is the type of guy who is seemingly perfect in every way. The guy who causes you to get butterflies swirling uncontrollably in your stomach when you first meet. The guy who pays for your smoothie on the first date and holds the door open for you while saying "ladies first". The type of guy who has the perfect smile and laugh, the perfect comb over, and is tall enough to tower over you but in a way that is perfect. In fact, his charm causes you to momentarily think to yourself "It is okay to like him". However, once he senses that your walls are coming down along with your guard, that "perfect guy" facade melts away unveiling someone who is just like the others. Having been through this routine a couple of times, I have learned that it is natural to blame yourself. You sit in your room and think "what is it about me that is so bad?". My friend let me borrow her copy of the book milk and honey by Rupi Kaur, and the contents within its 204 pages completely changed my outlook on these situations.
1. The Problem
The root of the problem stems from being so nice that you start to believe everyone is as kind as you. This causes you to overlook the negative qualities that they posses, because you see the type of individual that they have the potential to be. You tell yourself that they are gentle and kind, someone who would never intentionally hurt you.These individuals take advantage of your kindness one day at a time until they realize that there is nothing left to take. Once that happens, they leave and in an instant you find yourself left with nothing.
2. The Reason
You know what it is like to have people be cruel to you. You always tell yourself that the cruel things that have been said to you over the years are the reasons why you are always nice to everyone. I remind myself everyday that I would never want to make someone feel the way I did. For this reason, I always go the extra mile for people even when they may not deserve it. In a perfect world this would not be a bad thing, but the world is not a perfect place.
3. Do Not Expect An Apology
When it is all said and done, at some point it is natural to expect an apology. You want them to profess how sorry they are for hurting you and acknowledge that they know they were wrong. You should know to never expect anything. The quote " No expectations, no disappointments" should constantly run through your mind. This does not mean that you should not expect someone to be a somewhat decent human being; however, it is ten times more hurtful when you expect someone to act a certain way and then they act the complete opposite. There will be a time when the apology you have so desperately been seeking comes at a time when you have finally moved on. You should remember that it is because they will see you are finally happy and try to ruin it. Don't give them the satisfaction of letting it bother you.
4. The Realization
The saddest realization comes after they are already gone. The many unanswered text messages and the realization that they could leave so easily makes you feel sad all the time. In these situations it is hard for me to understand how you can supposedly care for someone, but find it easy to walk away without saying anything. In the back of your mind you just need to tell yourself that you loved them way more than they ever loved you. It is a difficult pill to swallow, but in the end it will help you find someone who will truly care for you.
5. The Lesson
I am a true proponent in the idea that everything happens for a reason. I think people are presented in your life in a way that will strengthen you or provide a valuable lesson. Dealing with countless boys who pretend to like me only to walk away has taught me a valuable lesson. While it hurts to have someone pretend to care about you, you have to hold on to the fact that you will find the right person someday. Life is a balancing act of good and evil. You can't have the good without the bad, and you can't find that one good person without weeding out the bad ones first. You just have to remember that you control the scale and the number of people that you have to balance on each side.
