I Never Wanted To Be A 'Baby Momma' But Here I Am

I Never Wanted To Be A 'Baby Momma' But Here I Am

And there's no changing that.

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Baby Momma – the mother of one or more of a man's children, especially one who is not his wife or current partner.

Many are treated with disrespect and have the stereotype to be messy, dramatic and cause a headache for a man who may or may not provide for his child. Don't get me wrong there are some sad excuses, but as with every stereotype, it's not the majority. I more so consider myself a single parent, with part-time co-parents. I raise my children alone. I receive no help with the basic needs of my children, and most times I do not complain. I find no reason to.

I have had many people say "Oh it's your fault for having children with that man."

While that is true, not every man showed that they wouldn't show up for their kids. I was married to my first kid's father and engaged to my youngest daughter's father. I left them because infidelity is the one of the few things that I will not put up with.

What I didn't choose was for them to walk away from their children.

Now they didn't walk away completely, but they pick and choose when they want to be involved and it never monetarily. I have tried having grown up conversations with them based on me not having these children alone, but there is either excuses or fake promises. I am always asked to be patient, and understanding of their situations BUT, they never understand that kids growing patterns are not patient, nor are their bellies and needs. Where is my understanding when I have to make one plus one equal twenty-five?

The parent with the child sacrifices everything, while the absent parent lives their lives.

I always tell my children how much their fathers love them, but the few times they talk to them, I have been the bad guy. My older daughters are old enough to know the truth, but I am worried about them and breaking this pattern.

No one asked to be a baby momma, and many of us don't even like being called one.

There are three sides to every story, and yet the new girlfriend or wife always feel like they are immune to the lies, or believe everything the man says. Sometimes, it causes more confusions, and others it causes more of a situation.

I never wanted to be a Baby Momma, but I am, there is no changing that. But I refuse to be talked to and treated like one. What is your definition of a Baby Momma?

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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12 Signs That You're Turning Into Your Parents, But It's Not The End Of The World

The transformation has begun, and honestly, I'm here for it.

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Being in college and living away from home, I have become more independent. When I was in high school, I did a lot by myself: laundry, some cooking, cleaning my room, etc. However, since entering college, not only have I become more adult-like in my responsibilities, but also in my mindset. If you do these 12 things, chances are, you've become a true adult too.

1. High school-esque drama literally doesn't bother you anymore

The whole "he said/she said" attitude about the world now just seems petty and annoying. The only "she said" I care about is myself. I've learned that other peoples' opinions of me matter, but they do not define who I am.

2. You text your friend group chat about getting new kitchen appliances

When my mom told me that our kitchen appliances were going to be updated, I literally whipped out my phone and sent in the group message "I'm getting a new fridge tomorrow" followed by hundreds of exclamation points and emojis. And, as an indication that my friends are the best friends in the world (and that they too are turning into their mothers), they all texted back "YASSS" and "When can we come see it omg"

3. You get excited to read books and go to bed at 10 p.m.

Some people's summer 2019 fantasies might involve getting crazy on a beach, or partying until the sun comes up. Granted, those things do have a certain amount of allure to them. However, my ideal summer night kinda sorta most definitely involves reading at sunset on my porch swing and then going to bed early so I can finally get a full night of sleep.

4. You get more and more into The Ellen Show every day

Okay, Ellen DeGeneres has always been awesome. But now, her awesomeness is 20x what it was when I was in high school. There's just something about wholesome talk show comedy that makes me believe in the world again.

5. Your knees hurt when it's going to rain

Okay, this is more a "my knees are like an old person's knees" thing, but I swear my knees can tell the weather. Bible!

6. Swiffering is your stress relief

Yes, I would take a bullet for my Swiffer. Yes, I know that is absurd. But cleaning makes me feel so calm!! #NoShame

7. You don't let your friends leave your dorm room until they're well fed

Snacks, anyone?? Juice? C'mon, I know you're hungry!

8. You're everyone's go-to for advice

As the Tangled song once said, "Mother knows best!" And though that mom was evil and totally crazy, the words did have some meaning. Now, you've become the hub for all of your friend's problems. Who would've thought that a sleep-deprived, caffeine-addicted teenager would be giving advice!

9. You start believing in silly superstitions

Listen, I've never walked under a ladder or passed the salt directly into someone's hands, and my life seems to be working out decently well, so I don't wanna hear it!

10.  You prefer thrift store mom jeans to high end leggings

Honestly, paying more than $25 for a pair of leggings just puts me in a state of pure anxiety. Plus, mom jeans are comfy and give you room to breathe, so who wouldn't want that?

11.  You can't remember anything without writing it down

Seriously, I cannot remember a single thing unless I write it in my planner or type it in my phone. I think by now, I've filled my brain with so much useless garbage that there just isn't any room left for grocery lists or reminders.

12.  You just feel more confident in your capabilities

My parents have always encouraged me to believe in myself, and thanks to their years of support, I have grown into the confident human being I am today. Now, I feel confident and secure in myself, and am able to provide the same support to my peers and friends, to help them grow to their fullest potentials as well. What more could I ask for?

As goofy and dorky as my parents are, I'm proud that I'm becoming like them. They raised me well, and have been my role models for my whole life.

So, Aai and Baba, thank you for making me who I am today. I hope that I have made you proud and that one day, my kids can look up to me the way I do to you, and roll their eyes at how goofy their mom is, and hope that they never (but definitely inevitably will) turn out to be like me.

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