Next month marks my seven-year anniversary –– of being single.

I must admit the single life has treated me quite well for a 26-year-old. I don’t have to answer to anyone, spend money on overpriced food and drinks and I do whatever I want when I want. The best part of being single for seven years has been the process of learning who I truly am and what I stand for, and most of all, learning to love myself.

Having more time for yourself gives you the opportunity to discover new passions and invest in great friendships. After my ex and I broke up I knew I’d be single for a while, although not this long. The truth is, the longer I’ve been single the longer I’ve enjoyed it. Perhaps it’s like anything else someone does over long periods of time: it gets repetitive and normal.

It’s funny to think back ten years ago and if someone had asked me what my life would be like at 26 I probably would have said married with children (insert LOL emoji here) and some kind of career. That’s not a bad life by any means, but I’m beyond thankful for the life I have now because knowing who I am and what I believe in now means that when I do find that woman she’ll get someone more compassionate, open-minded and knowledgeable. Or in other words, she’ll get the real Calen.

Being single for seven years has enlightened myself in more of what I want from a woman as well. What I was into at 20 has changed drastically at 26. I could have ended up in a long-term relationship that probably would have had many bumps in the road until a nasty breakup finally ended it. Or worse yet, I could have ignored personal goals and growing changes to satisfy someone else’s needs. This was avoided by being single.

As for a sex life? Well by no means do I get around, but it can be found here and there. A downfall is certainly the extended time of no sex, but the nice part about seeing someone is getting to know them at your own pace without the “serious” bonds that some early relationships have. This also includes finding out what you like about each other, and of course, having that much-needed intimacy. When you’re in your twenties the fact is this needs attention, just don’t slut out about it. STD testing isn’t cheap.

With more time to focus on yourself, you learn a ton about yourself. This is why I always encourage others to experience it. When you’re young, even 22-28, you have some growing up to do in many ways or at least in certain facets. Go out and spend time with friends and family, and more importantly: yourself. By not having someone dictate your young adult life you only benefit from learning about who you are and what you stand for.

However, I can’t say it has been all happy-go-lucky these past seven years. When I turned 25 I told myself I was ready to get back in the game and invest time into someone. As a decent looking guy with his shit together I thought it’d be a walk in the park, yet, it turned out to be quite the contrary. Perhaps I’ve lost my touch or simply put I don’t meet normal criteria for women’s résumés.

And speaking of résumés, my own for relationship standards is certainly one major factor for being single thus far, and it's probably hurt me more than once. I know nobody's perfect, but I’ve always assumed I could find someone with looks, brains, humor, hipsterish style, drinks red wine and whiskey, cannabis friendly, lady-like/freaky-type, inspiring, career motivating, etc.

This is wishful thinking. It has taken me awhile to realize this is asking too much. My advice on this is simple: accept fallacies as human nature and embrace imperfections as beauty.

There have also been those hard times in life where someone could have helped me through it. Parents and friends can only go so far in helping out with certain scenarios, a significant other would have benefitted more greatly.

Another con would be how when you get older your inner circle of friends declines. My brothers are my best friends and I have a few others that are close but simply put people just get busier as they get older. During my spare time (which seems nonexistent at the moment) I find it almost impossible to hit someone up and do something. Having a lady would help avoid those lonely nights.

And there is that one aspect of being in a relationship I haven’t felt since my ex seven years ago, that is, someone making me feel special. I’m an extremely independent person. However I do have occasions where what I accomplish in life isn’t being shared or beloved by anyone else. I feel proud about what I do on a daily basis, but hearing that joyment from someone you care about dearly is not only motivating, but cherishing as well.

So in the end people want what they want. You may be one of those types that always needs to have some form of companionship or you may be someone who actually needs a longer break from it. You know my opinion on it. You can either embrace an independent lifestyle or cling on to what’s comfortable, either way you’re giving up something.