You see them everywhere these days. They're re-blogged and re-posted all over your newsfeed day by day. They're the words that you pray will give you all the solutions to the never ending stream of questions your brain keeps racking up. They're the four words that you secretly type into your Google search bar at night. How To Be Single.
I get it, after a heartbreak you need time to mend both yourself and the relationship. You need time to ask yourself questions about who you are and where you want to be. You need time to find answers and time to explore your own mission. I've been there, I know sometimes it's nice to read about those four words.
These posts are supposed to be encouraging, they're supposed to tell you that you're not alone, that other girls are going through the same things you are and that you don't need another person to stand in line with you at Dunkin Donuts to make you happy. They cry out about how it's very possible to watch Netflix all by yourself.
They're supposed to motivate you. They're supposed to knock on the little door of your brain and tell you that now you can go to that new restaurant you've been wanting to try out. Now you have time to go to that yoga class down the street. Now you can soak into a bubble bath while listening to some Michael Bublé. Time is no longer of the essence, the world is at your fingertips.
They're supposed to remind you that you can be independent. They're supposed to bring your heart back to moments like the time he talked the whole way through your favorite movie and show you how much better things can be when you're all by yourself. Remember? You're a strong independent woman who don't need no man.
Yes, it's true. You don't need a man to make yourself whole again. You don't need a boyfriend to have a sense of self worth, and you don't need a husband to live a fulfilling life. But in the midst of all these phrases, I think we as woman miss the mark when we aim to encourage our fellow girlfriends in their heartbreak. We tell them it's best to go from 0-100, from full of love to cold and cynical. It's cool to act like you don't care.
We take each point to the extreme and mark men out of the picture completely. We attempt it all on our own. We tear down the confidence of the men we once cherished. We ultimately tell them that we are better off alone than with any of them. We forget how humans crave deep relationships. We weren't created to be the hyperindependent boss woman that so many books and movies romanticize.
Genesis 2:18 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”
Instead of counting out the male population completely, what if we showed up with the same level of respect for men that we request of ourselves? What if, instead of wallowing in our bubble baths, we encouraged them on a daily basis to keep doing good? What if we toned down the whole strong-independent-woman facade for a while and told the guys how much we really appreciate them, despite the frustration, tears and anger that they’ve given us? What if we cheered them on as we struggle through the storms of life together, rather than shutting them out altogether? I think we would see a changed society. We'd see one that isn't so fixated on subtweeting exes, slamming each other via Facebook or forcing jealously with #MCM Instagrams.
I'm all for the seasons of singleness that allow for much needed self-growth. I'm all for those late night sleepovers, wearing sweatpants and eating pizza on the floor. I love quiet runs along the water and I'm all about working hard towards that career you want. But I'm also all for being real and genuine. I think it's okay to admit that sometimes being single can feel lonely. . . and to leave a little room for love to someday make its way.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”
