5 Signs That He Ain't It Sis

5 Signs That He Ain't It Sis

Here are five warning signs that it may be time to tell your new man to hit the road.

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Every person has that one friend that you absolutely love to death, but you know they have terrible taste in something, whether it is clothes, hairstyles, or maybe even music. Well, I'm no exception to this because I have an absolutely wonderful and beautiful best friend, but she has terrible taste in men. I don't understand how it happens really. She's a super successful and driven woman that has great hair, a great job, and a great personality. She's the ultimate catch in my opinion, but she attracts and dates the sketchiest guys you can imagine. In being a BF (aka best friend), it's your duty and right to step in and tell the truth when she sends something about him in the girlfriend's group chat. I have compiled a mini list of red flags from being in this BF position, so if your man shows a few of these, well he ain't is sis!

1. Weird Social Media Posts

Check his past and current social media for things that aren't normal. For example, if he posts multiple videos of him singing (and they're cringe-worthy), if he posts himself licking his lips while standing in bright light, or if he posts hundreds of thirst trap gym selfies with captions like "Flexin' on ya :-P" it might be time to swipe left.

2. Irresponsible Behavior                                                                                                        

If your whole friend group and plus ones go for a night out, but he's the only person to get completely hammered, unable to walk or stand up alone without your help, take caution. I'm not talking about it being like once every blue moon because we all have those nights. I'm talking about every single time alcohol is even remotely involved, he gets blackout. Girl, you aren't his momma, so there's no need for you to act like it.

3. Disrespectful to Family or Friends

Living in the South, I was constantly drilled about respect (the whole nine yards of ma'am and sir). If your new man meets your family or friends, and it doesn't go well, take this as a caution. These people have spent a lifetime with you, so they deserve to be treated with respect and recognition as an important figure in your life. They have your best interest. Normally, someone who is interested in getting the family to like him is a good sign that they are into you. If he doesn't care about something that important, he may just be using you.

4. Too Needy

A relationship should be an equal opportunity for growth from the beginning. If your prospect is already too needy, to the point where he is entirely dependent on you to save him, to support him (financially), or to complete him, this is a big red flag. A partner is supposed to complement your qualities and personality-not drain you to the point where you're in a 20/80 relationship.

5. Can’t Be Your True Self

In my opinion, this is the most important thing. Being in a relationship where you can be yourself 100% of the time is best. If you catch yourself dimming your personality switch or staying out of the spotlight because it isn't what your man wants, it's time to cut it off. You can't walk on eggshells for the rest of your life.

In conclusion, use your own judgment and be confident. You create the life you live, and your story is written and directed by the decisions you make. This list was created to make you think about things that you can be blinded by when you first get in the puppy love stage. Don't let anyone stick around that shouldn't and don't be afraid to just be single and love yourself first. You are amazing in your own way. You should never accept anything less than what you deserve, no matter how hot or charming he is. An unknown author once wrote, "If you're searching for one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror". Amen to that.

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An Appreciative Thank You Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend

"And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day and something reminds you you wish you had stayed. You can plan for a change in weather and time but I never planned on you changing your mind"
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Exes get a lot of backlash in breakups. This letter is not that. This letter is not bashing my ex-boyfriend for doing what was best for him. This letter is being written for the pure reason I want to thank him for what he has done, but I am simply not strong enough to send it to him myself.

Thank you for the time we had together. In the moment, I was able to give and receive affection, have good times, and laugh at the smallest. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have memories that I can look back on and smile about. Our relationship isn't something I regret, in fact, it taught me a lot about myself. The days we spent together were some of the happiest and best days of my life. I hope you know that.

Thank you for the unforgettable experience of my hand being held in yours. Thank you for rubbing my back when it was bothering me. Thank you for taking care of me when I didn't take care of myself. You were the only person who got me to eat during finals week. You were also the only person who was able to keep me calm going into the last month of college, and that means the world to me. I have never met someone who could get me to be so comfortable so quickly. I have never slept better than with your arms around me all those nights. You never complained once when I was being a pain instead you let me realize it and then we would laugh it off. We never picked fights and when we did fight, you wouldn't run away or shut me out. You listened. You were the first person who ever gave me a chance to say what I felt and you never made me feel bad about it.

From the second I met you, I could tell that there was something about you that had me hooked, simply by the look in your eyes. I connected with you so easily and quickly that I have never connected with someone like that before. That spoke mountains to me, for me to be able to open up to you and talk to you the way I did. You were the first boy I have ever met that made me feel beautiful in my own skin. You complimented me everyday, even if I looked like I rolled out of bed. You never let me go a day without knowing just how much you cared and that brings me to tears to this day. Tears because it makes me so happy to remember you doing that. You taught me how to feel beautiful and confident. You never made me feel ashamed for anything in my life, and you supported me through every choice I made.

You proudly introduced me to your family and friends as your girlfriend. You never tried to hide me from anyone you met. You made me a priority in your life, and for the first time I was put first. Your family welcomed me from the second they met me and that warms my heart because to me they could see that I was someone important in your life.

I invested my emotions, my thoughts, and my time in you. I only hope that that has brought you happiness. I hope that when you look back at us, that you smile and are grateful for the time spent. I hope that I made you as happy as you made me in the short time we were together.

Looking back, I am not mad or upset. I do not hate you or wish you the worst. I am very proud of you for realizing that you needed to do what was best for you and at that time in life that wasn't me. I am only sorry that I couldn't do more for you. But whatever you set out to do in this life, I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you years of happiness and laughter. And I wish that you accomplish all of the dreams you set for yourself. I hope you miss what we had just as much as I do; because for the first time in a very long time it was the only real thing I had to hold on to. You gave me more than you'll ever realize and for that I am forever grateful.

Thank you for everything. For treating me like I mattered, putting me first, caring about me, wiping my tears, making me smile, and holding my hand through thick and thin. I am forever thankful for the relationship we had. No one has made the impact you did in the short amount of time together. You are truly one of a kind and I hope you realize that you deserve nothing but the best in this life.

Sincerely,

The appreciative ex-girlfriend.

Cover Image Credit: Katie Nicastro

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An Open Letter To The People I Decided To Stop Fighting For

"Stop begging and fighting for people to love you the right way. Stop investing time in people who don't mind if you stay or leave." — Reyna Biddy

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To the people I decided to stop fighting for,

It's not you, it's me. It's me who made the choice to put your needs above mine for longer than I should have. It's me who let myself be involved in an endless cycle of giving, without taking. It's me who continues to see the best in people even when shown a million reasons to take off the goggles-- to not float back down to Earth, back to reality. But to crash into pieces of what was once a flawless facade.

But it's you who were never going to change.

You were never going to see all the ways you hurt me, and I was never going to force you to. Just as you failed to understand, I failed to tell you there were repercussions... because there weren't.

I am a kind person, and I will not stop being kind. I am a compassionate person, and I will not stop being compassionate. I will, however, stop letting my kindness and compassion act as a gateway for mistreatment, for not second chances but third and fourth and fifth chances. Chances that you never asked for, but that I gave you anyways.

I have to walk away from the one-sidedness, from the excuses that I handed you on a silver platter. I let you walk all over me, and I even shined your shoes in the process. I am done using amazing memories as a means of masking toxicity with a happy past. The thing about memories is that they're used to reminisce about the previous, but I used them to excuse the things that you do in the present.

You were never going to stop making me feel small when all I'd do is try to lift you up. I suppose the more you let someone treat you as though you're small, the more they believe it is OK to do this, it is OK to belittle you. But it was never OK, and that's on me. It was me who'd tell you the ways you had hurt me, only to have you repeat them over and over again without consequence. And it was me who was fine with this.

I am without anger, without frustration, and without sadness.

I feel nothing but love for you, but I must also love myself enough to stop fighting and to let go of things not meant for me, things that no longer bring me joy and peace in my life.

Now I am exhausted, far too tired to fight for people who judge instead of love, who bicker instead of trying to understand. Because you weren't going to change. You won't change. And that's OK, that I've made peace with. But I have to change — I have to stand up for myself, and I have to walk away.

So I lay down my armor and I throw up my shield because it's time to start protecting myself, to start fighting for me.

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