7 Signs A Friendship Has Ended

7 Signs A Friendship Has Ended

Friendships, like everything else in life, grow and change. Sometimes, however, the change is really an end.

MKW
MKW
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Let's be clear. Friendships grow and change from the varying seasons in our lives.

We've all heard the saying that compares people to leaves of a tree, and it's true. Some people are in our lives for a semester or a short season. Others can stay for years and it seems like they're integrated into our nuclear family. Still, even lengthy friendships sometimes come to an end, or at least a period of great change. Sometimes, it's no longer healthy for you to place energy into that space. That is okay. That does not mean someone is at fault.

Other times, our old pal may have become unsupportive to our new endeavors or simply only acknowledging you in ways beneficial to themselves. However, that "unsupportive pal" may very well be yourself. At one point in time, we can be one person, but years down the road we can be a completely different person. However, just because we are all bound to change does not mean that we will change at the same rate, or even change in the same ways.

1. The things that brought you together were trivial

From our time as giggling elementary school children, we learned to capitalize on the things we had in common with other people. As children, something as simple as having the same favorite color could be the basis of a friendship.

By our middle school years, we're creating a friend circle based on having similar music tastes or the same love for a television show. That is all fine if we're looking for someone to attend a concert with us or to just binge watch Netflix on Saturday nights.

However, when facing things like a loved one's passing or our first encounters with anxiety, those simple similarities will not matter. These people have proven we can have a good time with them. Still, as the saying goes, "everyone that smiles in your face is not your friend."

2. The foundation of similarities has stunted your growth

Building a friendship in our later years based on similarities usually stunts our growth. At one point in time, we can be one person, but years down the road we can be a completely different person. However, just because we are all bound to change does not mean that we will change at the same rate, or even change in the same ways.

Sometimes, we unconsciously keep previous, less evolved versions of ourselves on standby, ready to pull our old selves out to fit in with these people when we're around them. We've changed into a person that still loves them, but no longer fits in with their lifestyle.

That skeleton of who we once were is nothing but extra baggage. Pretending to be the more naive, childish version of yourself from years past to please the people that once brought you so much joy is the same as pretending to be someone you are not. We are not that person anymore. Do not stunt your growth by taking steps back- or even by trying to bring them forward along with you.

3. They no longer confront you

Confrontation. Some of us hate being confronted and others hate confronting people. Nonetheless, if your friend were perhaps speaking ill of a person without regard for their circumstances, wouldn't you confront them?

Often times we humans make irrational decisions. However, with love, the people around us often guide us back to the "higher road" that they know we're capable of walking. From the elders in our family, that guidance may be a scolding. But from a friend, that guidance is a confrontation. They love you and want to see you aspire to higher reaches more than they care if they momentarily hurt your feelings.

If your friend has gotten to the point where they no longer care enough to correct you when they can, that may be a sign that they no longer have your best interest at heart the way a friend should.

4. Change creates a shift in heart posture

When good news arises, most people cannot wait to share it with those they love most. Usually, the people we feel the need to share the news with attributed to the help or watched the progress. Maybe they helped you study for that exam, or they read over your resume before you applied for that job. Maybe they're far away, and you simply told them about the event.

If you speak about your success and their attitude changes, that is a significant signal that their heart posture towards you has shifted. If you can no longer tell your friend about your positive news without them swiftly changing the conversation or being upset, it's highly likely the friendship you once had with them has concluded.

5. They are unsupportive

So many people in this generation are innovators or entrepreneurs. Often, I log on to social media to someone new putting their talent in make-up, styling, writing, crocheting, or baking to use. Usually, their friends are the first to comment and share with a caption along the lines of "My friend is selling her amazing product." or "She's having a discount for prom!"

It cost them absolutely nothing to take time out of their day to share your business endeavor with others on their friend list. Understandably, they may not be in the market to purchase the good or service you've tried your hand at providing, but their relationship with you led them to at least support you in any way possible.

If your friend is never at events you host, makes jokes about your dreams or ambitions, or maybe even flat out turn you down when you ask for help, their unsupportive actions may be a sign it is time to move on from them.

6. Their loyalty wavers

Most friendships have an occurrence that is considered "their thing." For some people, that may be the routine of going on movie nights every third Saturday or always meeting in the gym for an early morning workout. It may feel like an act of betrayal to be told "I've already seen that movie with someone else" or "I work out at night with someone else now." Their loyalty to your routine has changed.

This change is not always a bad thing. Again, we all grow and change. Having new people introduced into your life or having a shift in a normal routine is bound to happen at one point or another. This change is not to be held against them. However, how they go about the change is what you should evaluate them on.

How do they break the change to you? Do you find out from another friend, or perhaps their new commitment tells you in a malicious way? Are these changes discussed or adjusted for, or do they become a new reality without a replacement for the other party? How your friend communicates and modifies their time to include you in their busy lives is to be evaluated, especially when their new friend is wrapped into their schedule.

7. You feel their season in your life is up

People come and go. The person that taught you so much may one day be the one that cannot reach you. We all have someone that has crossed our path. Whether it was for two years or 12 years, they were with us for a season. Perhaps there will be a place for them again. However, the tension of growing up and finding ourselves is not always a good environment for people who were compatible with what we used to be.

We are all young. We're experiencing change, branching out, and growing into who we are to be. Just because the snaggled-toothed children we once were are not compatible with the life-loving youth we currently are, does not mean the gray-headed versions of us will not find our way back to each other.

Maybe at this point, we need new faces, ideas, locations, and new people to help us in our new seasons of life. Our growth can separate us from others, but it can also bring us closer. Sometimes that separation is for the permanent best. Only our future selves can know, however.

Some friendships are life long, but that does not mean they are active during all stages of life.

And some friendships are for a season. Let us not force them to overstay their welcome.

But let us remember that we do need friends. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 states "9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up."
We need friends, but we do need the right ones. Remember Proverbs 18:24 states "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Firstly, let's be reliable and just people so one day we may walk alongside those similar to us.

We are reminded in Proverbs 12:20, "Walk with the wise and become wise,
for a companion of fools suffers harm."

We should focus on becoming better versions of ourselves. As we are worked on, the people we need will come into our lives and serve their season.

Let us strive to walk with the wise and also be wise.

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20 'Thank Yous' My Best Friends Need To Hear BEFORE The Semester Ends

Because I don't thank you enough.

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When I decided to graduate a year early, I never thought about how hard it would be to say goodbye. The best part of my three-year journey at Florida State was the friends that I had made. The friends you meet in college are the friends you will never forget. Although in two weeks we will be miles apart, this is not the end of us-- this is a different type of forever. At this point, all I can say is thank you for making my time here unforgettable. Thank you:

1. For buying me Ice Cream when I had a bad day.

2. For pushing me out of my comfort zone. 

3. For teaching me the right way to do Happy Hour. 

4. For complimenting me when I wore that tight dress.

5. For forcing me to go to the library with you.

6. For *trying* to make me go to the gym.

7. For giving me great advice that you know I won't follow. 

8. For letting me borrow your new shirt even though you haven't even worn it yet.

9. For forgiving me when I get a little sassy.

10. For telling me I can do better. 

11. For reading my shitty articles. 

12. For ignoring my absolutely terrible singing. 

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14. For roasting me in the group chat. 

15. For driving me to class when I was too lazy to find parking. 

16. For picking me up from class when I was too lazy to walk back home.

17. For lending me money because I really REALLY needed that extra guacamole.

18. For tolerating my annoying self after your stressful day.

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Dear Freshman Year Roommate, Thank You For Being Someone I Always Looked Forward To Hanging Out With

From the first moment we met and bonded over our love for bubble tea, I knew our friendship was going to be special.

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When I was applying for college, I was concerned with supplemental essays, SAT scores, scholarship applications and letters of recommendation. I never took a moment to stop and wonder "What happens once I get in?"

Finally, the fateful day arrived where I made my college decision. I bought a sweatshirt from the George Washington University store. My mom decorated my High School locker with our colors. And most importantly, I sighed a breath of relief imagining how refreshing it was going to be to ride out the rest of my senior year without the stress of college deadlines weighing on my shoulders.

Unfortunately, that blissful serenity was cut short when I joined a Facebook group of admitted students, where profiles of smiling teenagers flashed on my screen accompanied with the fateful "I'm looking for a roommate."

A roommate. I obviously knew that I needed a roommate. It was common sense, yet for some reason, I had failed to consider the logistics of finding a roommate until that moment.

See, my mom helped me through my college process, but times were different back then. She described showing up to her college on the first day, not knowing who she had been randomly assigned. There was no Facebook, Snapchat or Instagram to help you communicate with the girls on the other side of the country-- or sometimes even on the other side of the world.

This was a new, unexplored territory where my mother's wealth of knowledge sadly fell short.

Lucky for me, I was accepted into an honors program which restricted the list of girls available to be my roommate to a list of about twenty-five. We created a google document which asked basic questions like "Are you a night owl or earlier riser?"

Even still, I had no idea how to pick someone who I would be compatible to live with for the next year of my life. The stakes felt high, but I was reassured by the fact that I grew up sharing a room with my siblings, learning some important skills about being low-maintenance and tolerant of others' habits.

I read through the list and found someone whose answers sounded similar to mine, figuring we had enough in common to be amicable, if nothing more, throughout the school year. Her name was Riya, and she had a cute Instagram, so I messaged her asking if she wanted to try and room together. She agreed and we put each other down as roommates when applying for housing.

Looking back, that decision was the best one that I made when preparing for GW.

Throughout my freshman year, I have heard horror stories about roommates who fight all the time, steal each other's clothes, refuse to clean or try and micromanage the other's sleep schedule.

All the while, I count my lucky stars that my roommate is not only sane but someone who I genuinely look forward to spending time with. We share ice cream and inside jokes. When the weather was heating up and the university refused to turn on the air conditioning, we even shared our fans.

It comforts me to know that at the end of even the worst days, I can come back to my room and laugh or cry (sometimes both) with her by my side.

I remember once, I was having trouble with another group of friends. I felt alone and isolated. I felt like there was nobody who I could talk to apart from my mom or my best friend from home, who are both supportive and incredible but don't know any of the characters in my life in the same way as someone here at school.

I have a bad habit of struggling to reach out to people when I'm going through something, figuring I am strong enough to handle it on my own.

While that may sometimes be true, thanks to Riya, I didn't have to. I ended up telling her everything. She listened to me rant, understanding how I was hurt, and advising me on the situation.

I felt so much better after our conversation, and the best part was, I didn't have to leave the comfort of my bed for the entire conversation.

Her friendship reminded me of my family, and honestly, she has acted like a sister to me over the past two semesters.

It is so wild reflecting on the year, knowing that next semester we will be going our separate ways, living with respective friends in buildings a couple of blocks away from each other.

However, even when the posters are off the walls and signs reading "Riya" and "Emilie Joe" no longer stick to the outside of our door, I know that the bond we created in room 217 will never leave us.

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