At risk of going completely Carrie Bradshaw and exposing my love life in an opinions column, I don’t quite know how to articulate what I want to say without getting somewhat personal, so I’m just going to go for it.
I have a boyfriend who goes to school very far away. Like different time zone far away. Originally, when he got to school in September, conversations were had, things were determined, and we decided to not continue dating. When this happened, knowing that I would miss him and get sad every time I saw pictures of what he was up to, I did something that today may seem like the unthinkable, I unfollowed him on Facebook.
I’m not sure when Facebook became Twitter, but essentially “unfollowing” someone allows you to remain their friend, but none of their posts or pictures show up on your newsfeed. At any point that you decide, on your own accord, to go to their page, all of their posts and pictures show up, but once unfollowed none of their posts appear on your newsfeed unprompted. The best part? The person you unfollow has no way of knowing that you’ve unfollowed them.
Fall semester passed. We talked occasionally, we were friendly, but he remained unfollowed. When Winter Break rolled around and he was back in town, we met up, spent time together, admitted that neither of us were able to find another person who was quite the same brand of weird as the two of us were, and that despite being far away we both wanted to date each other again.
It’s now early spring and everything is still fine and dandy. We spent Spring Break together and are still as happy as can be. But here’s the kicker… I still don’t follow him on Facebook.
It’s not that I don’t want to see his pictures, trust me, I think that he’s just as tall, dark, and handsome as the next girl does, but when it’s all said and done, after nearly a full school year of leaving him unfollowed, I fully believe that unfollowing your significant other on Facebook is one of the healthiest things that you can do for a relationship, especially one during your young adult years.
Most likely your significant other’s Facebook page is filled with innocent posts, ones that would make you neither sad nor angry or suspicious, but as stressed out twenty-somethings there are certain days and moods, and something about our social media obsessive culture, that cause us to occasionally take a significant other’s completely innocent pictures and posts and find something annoying or aggravating about them. I can’t tell you the number of times, whether on campus, in airports, at the train station, or out at night, that I’ve overheard couples in their twenties arguing about something pertaining to social media. If you’re really in the mood to start a fight you can warp things on social media to mean whatever you want them to, and why not start with your significant other’s page? After all, it’s the people we are closest to who are capable of making us the angriest.
In the seemingly ancient age before the Internet, couples, believe it or not, didn’t constantly see pictures of all of the events that their significant other went to without them, but somewhere along the way we’ve picked up the idea that when you commit to a relationship, you commit to knowing where the other person is and what they are doing at all times. This is probably because with social media we know this information about just about anyone, so we figure this must especially hold true for our significant others. However, at the end of the day, it’s exhausting to keep track of where you're going and what you're doing. Why would you want to have to keep track of somebody else? And if you’re with someone who gives you a feeling in the pit of your stomach that you really need to know absolutely everything or you’ll be at risk of something suspicious happening, are they even someone who you want to be with?
I’ve promised myself never to end up dating someone who I can’t wholeheartedly trust. If I ever find myself in a position where I can’t unfollow my significant other on Facebook without a genuine fear that I’ll miss something that I need to catch, then I don’t want to be associated with them anyway.
When someone agrees to date me, they don’t agree to constantly tell me what they are doing, just like I shouldn’t be expected to constantly tell them. He will tell whichever stories he feels the need to tell me, and I will tell him whichever stories I think he would enjoy and pertain to him. Then, when I’m not stressed out, tired, jealous, or just had the worst day of my life and am not as susceptible to viciously scrolling through Facebook annoyed at everyone’s seemingly perfect lives, inevitably finding something wrong with something he posted, I can type in his name and look through his pictures with googly eyes and a great big smile. The pictures and posts aren’t going anywhere. They’re still there about once a week when I’m in a good mood and have some free time to go look. And typically, they are from places and stories that he’s already told me all about.
I know you think they’re cute, but whether it’s a significant other, a crush, or an old love that screwed you over, think about clicking unfollow. There’s no need to stalk. You’ll survive without constantly being exposed to their Facebook page, and if he or she is really as charming as you think they are, then as soon as something funny or life changing happens you’ll be the first one to hear all about it. Spend the extra energy focusing on where you’re going and what you’re doing. There’s no need to spend your life on someone else’s Facebook page obsessed about what they’re doing, so why not remove the temptation? You miss so much more stalking people's Facebook page than you ever will from clicking "unfollow".
