Attempting to write this article has been so complicated. I stopped writing and came back to it multiple times in the past few weeks because I could not come to terms with how I wanted to express myself to whoever reads my articles. Initially, this article was supposed to describe and explain every aspect I disliked about my timid personality which I referred to as my "worst enemy". I listed the negatives one by one starting with how my shyness loves to take control over everything I do or say such as starting conversations with new people or saying how I truly feel in difficult situations like those that make me sad, mad, or confused. Reading over the one or two sentences I managed to be satisfied with seemed so gloomy and pessimistic. It did not depict the person I am nor was it the person I wanted to come off as. After explaining to my father the dilemma I faced, he offered the advice to step away from my unfinished document and to try to understand my personality completely before writing words that were untrue or would not make sense to my audience if they did not make sense to me; therefore, I escaped from the dullness weighing me down in my dorm and did just that. I chose to surround myself with people by hanging out with friends, meeting new people, and enjoying time with my family--each set of people bringing me one step closer to accepting me and my shy personality.
While having dinner with friends, one coincidentally commented that he noticed my personality is a combination of shy and outgoing. Remaining calm and collected are traits I display most of the time; but, every once in a while I break out of my quiet shell and become social to people I hope to be friends with, which allows me to be identified as a fun and friendly girl. Hearing this helped me recognize the first positive aspect of my shy personality I did not notice before.
Jumping into my father's car the next day to meet a few friends of his was not something I thought would help me understand more about myself and the positive features that build on my shy personality; instead, I believed negatives would arise once again assuming I would remain silent while my father and his friends bonded over work or funny "back when I was younger" stories. In reality, like any loving father who is proud of their child, my dad talked me up half of the time and mentioned a few of my accomplishments in the past months, much of which his friends sounded greatly impressed with. I would shyly thank them, although, I did not see myself as the big star my dad displayed me as, which only pulled me back in the direction of another side affect of being shy: insecurity. It was not until one of my father's friend's wives decided to strike up a conversation with me that my eyes were opened to several positives of having a shy personality. She was able to understand me as a person simply by asking me what type of author I aspired to be. Through my answer, she identified and complimented my shy personality as being a good listener, trustworthy, and an observer who appreciates life and the little things that compose it.
Unexpectedly, my family drove into town and together we experienced a girls night full of jokes, face masks, and Pitch Perfect. For an unknown reason, I tend to be shy around my family members as well so it was not a surprise that I stayed quiet nearly the entire time and listened rather than joined in. However, once or twice throughout the night I would get caught up in watching one of my favorite movies or excited to relax with face masks that the goofy side of me would burst out causing them to laugh at my child-like tendencies. The innocence they saw in me is what exposed another positive to my shy personality I never expected to be happy with.
Phrases that I have been told and will continue to hear all my life such as, "You don't talk much, do you?" and "Why are you so shy?" are why I felt as though my shy personality was a burden. However, it was my shy personality that allowed me to listen to those around me this weekend and discover that there were any positive sides to being shy at all. The message I am hoping to get across is not that what others think of you is how you should think of yourself, but, if necessary in order to help accept your personality, you should take the optimism and positive compliments of those who admire you and understand that their insight can help you gain respect for yourself. I would not say that this weekend allowed me to love myself 100%, however, I was able to find a part of myself that I love and that is what will give me the chance to one day completely love myself for who I am.
