Before anyone begins reading this, please know that I am not "throwing shade" at anyone. This is more of a "thank you" for the time and experience with a certain person at any moment in my life. I have been in a couple relationships, but have been on dates with guys that in my opinion easily qualify into the category of an "ex". For most of the guys I have dated, I apologize that I could not provide you with what you needed and I wish nothing but happiness for you. However, some of you should learn that pressuring your girlfriend to do things she does not want to do and getting upset at her over it is not "cool" (*cue Freshman year of high school*). I am not perfect (I never said that I was), meaning I have done things that I regret too, like not being honest about my feelings for someone. I also know that due to my anxiety and mostly having a sense of self-doubt, I can be hard to handle. From all of these experiences, I have now realized what I want and don't want in a guy.

I want someone who is willing to work with me on the relationship. I want someone who puts in effort in the relationship, especially at a time when it is more common to have less of committed relationship (via "hookup"). I do not want to read and interpret mixed signals with a romantic interest. I do not want to feel confused about someone else's feelings because they are not mature enough to tell me and they think the better option is to "ghost" me. As much as I love receiving flowers, I do not want a relationship that is solely based on materialistic things either. I do not want unsupportive friends from the romantic interest. The list goes on.

I could go on and on about the things I like and don't like for a "romantic interest", however I do want to make this clear: I do not want to date someone, breakup, and then awhile afterwards not hear from them. I spent so much time with you and had the opportunity to get to know you on a personal level. Unless things ended toxic between us or anyone really, when that person that you spent time with does not even want to try be friends, that does not sit well with me. I understand that with relationships, it takes two to tango - during and after the relationship, meaning breakups suck for both people. It also takes time to heal; some take longer than others so I understand why it is painful to "reopen" doors on a platonic level.

I just hope someday everything will be okay because right now, it is painful to close a few doors on people who I loved getting to know and does not reciprocate the same feeling. I am done putting in effort to stay in contact with people that do not want the same thing as me. But - I am the type of person that will always care about each and every one of you, meaning if something serious ever happens to you and you need someone to talk to, please do not hesitate to platonically reach out to me.

As of now, I do not want to put myself out there just yet; I am too much in a vulnerable-like state to accept the possibility of another heartbreak at this point in my life. To pass the time, I am throwing myself into my schoolwork, work, even trying to work out more too to start to care about myself more. I tend to sometimes hide my true inner demons in fear of another rejection from anyone - whether it be a romantic or friendship relationship. I am trying to accept the fact that people will come and go - whether if I have known that person for a day or for eight years. Therefore, I want to thank the people that I have come across to in my life because you have shaped me to become the person I am today. Thank you for being an amazing person and for the experience.