I still remember how I felt when I finally realized my friend didn’t understand that by always spending time with her boyfriend (and when I say always, I mean literally 24/7) she was hurting me. And then years later, when a friend of hers made her finally understand that feeling I had felt as she ignored my friend for her new boyfriend. Let me tell you, it was quite the day for me. I finally got that apology I had never received before, and the thank you for sticking around even when I didn't know if it was worth it.
Don’t get me wrong, relationships are great, given that they’re healthy, committed, and with the right person for you. However, I will never understand the mindset that “oh, you understand we don’t need to spend time together to be friends. I already have plans with my boyfriend.” Like, that’s awesome, go on a dinner date, study together, drag him to the mall, I don’t care. But make sure you find a day to spend with your friends. The ones who were around before the boyfriend was, and if it unfortunately doesn’t work out, the ones who will be picking up the pieces of you later.
Because that’s the thing that I think gets overlooked. Girls say they’re “so in love” or “I know he’s the one.” And if he makes you happy, I hope that he is. But if you’re wrong, if you two don’t last forever, who’s going to be there for you when he’s not around anymore? If you don’t find time to at least grab a coffee or be there for me when I need someone to talk to, I probably won’t still be waiting around for you to take the time to be my friend again.
And the hard part here is, there’s sort of this weird tension that can occur when a friend starts a relationship. You suddenly find yourself with exponentially more free time while she’s busy with him, and maybe as a result she thinks you're jealous of the time she spends with him. And sure, maybe this is true some of the time. But the problem occurs when the friend in the relationship stops seeing that maybe it isn't all jealousy, but that you just miss her. This goes both ways, too. I’ve seen guys in relationships have friends who start to question whether or not their friendship is still relevant when they never hangout anymore. Which in my opinion is completely valid. The entire basis of a friendship is a mutual bond of affection, someone you can lean on, confide in, who will be there to laugh with and cry with no matter what.
So I guess the reminder here is this: no matter who enters your life, or how important they seem at the time, don’t forget about the other people who you used to surround yourself with, or take them for granted. If you don’t make time for them now, they won’t make time for you later on; they’ll have moved on. And maybe you’ll be right and this relationship was the one, but life gets pretty lonely when you don’t have friends to share it with. They’re the ones you can vent to about your relationship and tell funny stories about your boyfriend to. So don’t forget about the friends who have been by your side, so that you don’t ever have to feel the pain of them leaving it.
