Work sucks. We weren't put on this earth to spend 75% of our waking hours maintaining the upkeep of a business that probably doesn't even know it's my birthday. But without a job we would not legally get money, so it's usually necessary to work for a living. That is why work sucks, and you'll find many bumper stickers will back me up on that. The trick to staying happy while also making money is to find something you love doing and exploit it for profit. Take a second to analyze your job. Do you love it? Do you even like it? If you answered "nah" to either of these questions, it may be time to quit your job and move on. Also, what is your employer's email and phone number, and what's the best way to send a resume?
There are plenty of reasons someone would want to quit a job. Maybe you don't feel respected by your superiors or co-workers. Maybe you don't think you get paid enough for the amount of work you do. Maybe Devin is this close to getting a staple in the eye. Whatever the reason, tell yourself it's a reasonable one. Let's say you work in the food industry and you have to cut your hair so the customers don't get stringy meatball subs. Your hair, which has the potential to grow back at some point, is more important than their mouths, so I would recommend you quit immediately so the system can no longer harsh your mellow. Perhaps a more common reason to quit is if you don't like your boss. I can almost 100% guarantee that the next boss you have will be better than your current one, so go ahead and quit. But first, leave my resume on your boss's desk and mention that I am willing to work overtime for no additional cost.
No need to thank me in giving you the courage to quit, by the way. Helping people is what I do. Quitting your job takes some preparation though. Before you kick over the trash can and leave a little steaming something on the boss's desk, most self-proclaimed life experts would advise having a new job lined up. Sure. Because when I work all day I have time to find another job. Gimme a break. Give your two weeks notice and then take that time to schedule several hundred interviews, putting all of your hope in someone responding before you lose your source of income. If you end up with no money, don't worry! There are a few sneaky ways to survive on a lower budget. Speaking of budget, how much did they pay you?
Stick to a high fat diet for awhile, as it is cheap and filling. Make every meal a few spoonfuls of peanut butter. This will fend off hunger and will make me feel less guilty. Allergic to peanuts or don't want to put more money into Big PeaB's pockets? Just go through a gallon of full-fat milk once a day. Don't handle dairy well or worried about funding Big Moo? Walmart has rotisserie chickens for pretty cheap, so go on the whole-chicken-a-day diet. This diet doesn't exist... yet. That's where you come in. Eat a whole chicken a day, or don't, up to you, write a book about it and how it prevents every known form of disease, then throw some charts and graphs in there, get an endorsement from Big Cluck, and voila! You just created the next diet trend, creating a temporary but hilariously huge cash flow. Now it's easy living until people start realizing this diet will kill them. What were some things you wish you knew before you started working here?
Once sales drop on your brand of chicken products, which are better than other brands because they have your name on every package, it's time to look for another job. Maybe this time you can find something you enjoy. But let's be real. What could could be better than the whole-chicken-a-day diet? You said so in the last chapter of "Bird Belly." Did it mean nothing to you? When you do start looking for a real job, know your worth and have confidence in your abilities. Apply for everything. You'll never know if you can do something until you try, and worst case scenario, you die! And don't be intimidated by a job application's "past experience" section. That doesn't apply anymore. Example: Donald Trump. If I were older I would be just as qualified to be POTUS as Donald Trump, which means not at all qualified. However, I'm going to hold myself to a higher standard than Trump, and you should too. For the skills section of the application, just write "you'll see." It has never let me down.
Wherever you see yourself in five or 10 years, just know that I'm doing great. Finding a job that you want to stick with forever is difficult, and it might not ever happen with that attitude. Maybe you're someone who likes to job hop, an occupational nomad building a portfolio of experiences that will one day make for good conversation to the students in your eighth grade Tech Ed class. I hope this article has helped you think about your job and how it affects your life. I'm not going to be at my job forever because I don't want to do it forever, although it is a very nice job and I'm lucky to have it. If I don't think about the future now I'll become complacent and forget about my dreams and goals. Like Donald Trump jokes, things get old after a while, including me. I will assess my happiness every day and do what I think will make me the happiest, without hurting anyone along the way. Now clean out your desk, I need to get settled in.
