A relationship should never be forced. If you feel like you are pushing someone in a direction they are not comfortable with, they don't want to be in a relationship. If you second guessing if your partner has feelings for you, you're not in the right relationship. If you're avoiding hanging out with someone because of the uncertainty of if they are going to attempt breakup with you or not, you're not in a good relationship. You shouldn't have to wait to be with someone. You should never feel like you're sitting on the edge of a cliff. You shouldn't have to wake up everyday wondering if they are going to talk to you or even worry about who's going to text who first. This is the most childish thing millennials deal with on a daily basis. Many people are in love with the idea of being in love; rather than actually being in love with a particular person.
I have learned that people who don't take the time to do the things that make you happy are not worth the effort. You shouldn't move mountains for someone who wouldn't jump a puddle for you. I know for some, it feels good to give your heart and soul to someone no matter the outcome. What can go wrong, right? You're just being the sweetest person you could be, how could they possibly take you for granted WRONG. There is such thing as being too giving. Some partners get used to the fact you will always do what they want without thinking of the impact it will have on you.
Do not make excuses. If she or he is being mean.. they are mean.. if she or he is consistently making plans with others and excluding you or telling you they don't care if you attend, they don't care if you attend. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. It's fine to cut a little slack, especially if you're young. But, if you are consistently expressing your negative feelings for how the relationship is taking a turn and then your partner doesn't react in the way you hoped, they are not interested in how you really feel. When you're young, sometimes its hard to understand what you really want in life. It is important to share how you feel with your significant other no matter what the outcome. Both you have to respect yourself enough to know who is a good person to face life with. Who would you want to be with if there were only you two left in the world? If your answer is your significant other, Nice-job! Try to nourish the relationship so it continues to grow. If it's your ex, try to move on. An ex is an ex for a reason. It is okay to miss them, but if you too both don't have the same goals, do not try to pretend the relationship something it's not.
A partner is a person who sticks by your side no matter what, helps you with anything at anytime, and shows you love and affection in a healthy way. Try to learn your partner’s "love languages." This theory was created by a man named Gary Chapman. Once you figure out your partner’s love language, you can figure out how to make sure they feel the most cherished and loved. Some may like gifts and physical touch, while others prefer quality time well spent together. Learning your partner’s love language can completely transform the aspects of your relationship. It is also important to communicate with your partner what your love language is. How are they supposed to make you happy if you don’t know for yourself what brings you joy. Try to ensure that expectations and preferences are clearly understood by your partner to avoid miscommunications.
People want to talk but very few are listening. There is value in encouraging people to listen to understand in lieu of listening to respond. Take the time to hear what your partner is telling you. No matter how minuscule it may sound, it's probably a big deal for them and may have taken a lot of courage for them to open up to you about. The farthest distance between two people is a misunderstanding. "Research has indicated that the average individual listens for only seventeen seconds before interrupting and interjecting his own ideas" (Chapman,1995). Try your hardest to really listen. Don't interrupt and if you have nothing nice or productive to say back, don't respond. I found that by being silent in uncomfortable situations, it gives the other person a chance to say everything on their mind, anything that comes to mind actually, just to fill the void of uncomfortable silence. Do not fear silence, embrace it.
There is some beauty in fighting for the impossible. The common phrase, "us against the world," maybe used to define your relationship. Why is that? Is it because your friends and family don't support your decision? Is it because you have weened off the support of your family in order to make more room in your heart for the "love of your life". Think about how Romeo and Juliet played out in the end -spoiler alert - they died.
We have all been guilty of running back to what broke us, but the cycle must stop! You cannot have love without commitment. "Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy, not to hold the offense up against the offender. Forgiveness is an expression of love." (Chapman)
A relationship should never feel like a war. You may have to overcome battles every once in awhile, but struggling through adversity is what creates a stronger bond. One must decide if they want to fight together or against one another.
