I understand why someone would stalk their former acquaintances. I mean, it's a nice icebreaker or even a fun activity with long time friends to just see how people are doing. That couple who were constantly on and off? Now they're married, with the second kid on the way. The nerds who went into computer science? Now they're thriving and they're found their groups of people. The jocks? Probably in fraternities and sororities now. It can be fun to see what people have achieved after you've left their life, but if you're constantly doing it to someone who's long gone, that's a huge problem.
A good rule of thumb is if they're not a mutual, they probably don't want to interact.
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Something that pops up in your feed because you and your ex still follow each other is different from deliberately scouring the internet for all traces of this social media account. A person who consents for someone to see their content usually means a follow request, or you continue to mutually follow each other. And while some may argue that if their social media profile is public, they consent to everyone seeing it. While that may be true, it is also true that it's a creepy thing to constantly be checking up on people without their knowledge. It's especially creepy in my opinion to search for a former acquaintance who doesn't want to be found on the internet, for example if they're private or have changed their public identity. They definitely don't want to be found by anyone if they've changed their entire public identity.
It's probably not healthy for anyone's mental health.
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When I check on other people's social media accounts, I'm usually browsing my own timeline for my own pleasure. In the rare occasions that I do stalk someone online and find their accounts, I'll admit that it wasn't my finest moment. In fact, in rare moment of panic attacks, I would try and gather every piece of information that I could on that person so that I could feel safe. Now that I've reconciled it with my therapist and worked it out, I don't think I'll ever go on one of those binges again.
Whether it's your partner's former partners or maybe the other girls that your significant other was familiar with, stalking other people's social media accounts may be more harmful than helpful. Social media is only a thinly veiled cover for what actual lives are like. The people in that photo may hate each other. That person who posted the photo may be in one of the biggest depressive episodes of their life. That person could be dealing with so many unsaid struggles behind the nicely lit photos and the random tweets. Buying into the fantasy of social media, the fantasy of a perfect and picture perfect life, is incredibly harmful for your mental health. Believing the fantasy may cause the anxiety or panic to get even worse, because self deprecation can result from it.
Obsessing over people, whether or not from anxiety or hatred or insecurity, is not a healthy habit. Being anxious and then believing in the fantasy of a perfect life is far from healthy, but it's even more detrimental to obsess over someone you hate. Social media makes it so easy to hide behind a screen and take a peek at whatever anyone is doing. Needlessly going on someone else's profile to stalk and hate on them constantly, with or without their knowledge is not only illegal on a federal level but also incredibly harmful. Actively stalking someone whether it's online, in person or without their knowledge is all incredibly harmful thing to do. Rather than projecting problem onto a person who is all but string of unpleasant memories, the answer is deal with your issues. Why go this far and constantly keep tabs on someone? Reflecting on the urge to stalk someone, or talking to a professional may help more than stalking a person's social media.
I think that everyone should leave stalking people we used to know back in 2020. For 2021, everyone should be looking forward to things getting better, new places to go, and spending time with people who love you. It doesn't actually matter if that couple got divorced or not, or if your old high school acquaintances have ended up doing a minimum wage job. On our deathbeds, all you have is your own regrets and achievements that you've accomplished in your own life so it's probably just better to not care about anyone else's business.
If you think someone is stalking you, here are some quick resources.
The National Domestic Abuse Hotline
And if you're a college student, don't be afraid to reach out to your Title X coordinators or your Resource Centers for on campus help. The Stalking Resource Center has information about federal laws and state laws too, which I highly recommend doing research on.
Stay safe!
