Having standards for today’s relationships can be difficult. The meaning and importance of a relationship seems to be slowly diminishing. Loyalty and faithfulness aren’t always qualities our partners have, but are we even looking for them? Why would we want to be with someone who doesn’t possess those qualities? Why would we want to be with someone who doesn’t only have eyes for us? Why would we want to be with someone who could take you or leave you? The reason being because we are settling for just anyone to take the place of someone important in our life. I recognize that dating is much more casual nowadays; I realize that maybe not everyone is looking for a serious relationship. But in any case, we should not settle for someone who doesn’t care for or respect us. This goes for everyone. I don’t care if you’re interested in girls, boys, or both; you still deserve to be treated right.
We should also have standards for our own actions. How can we expect someone to treat us right, if we don’t treat them right? We need to treat our partners with as much respect as we want to receive. “You get what you give”, is a saying that comes to mind when I think of this. Yes, I know for a fact that this doesn’t always hold true, but we should still adhere to the principle. It is something everyone should try to live by.
I hear people all the time saying to others, “your standards are too high” or “you’ll never get a boyfriend/girlfriend if you’re expecting all that from them”. Why do we say these things though? No one wants their friends to end up in a nasty breakup or a bad relationship; so don’t urge them to be with just any old person. Instead of encouraging our friends to lower their standards to match someone whom they have an interest in, we should be supporting their “high” standards whilst in pursuit of their partner.
What is considered “high” standards for us, was probably considered low standards when our parents were our age. Nowadays we think of high standards as expecting that the someone we are dating doesn’t snapchat, text, DM or like a picture of someone who could be a potential threat to us. Another thing we expect is that a significant other discontinue using and delete an app called Tinder. We do indeed live in a different time period with many other factors to consider in the dating world, but why should we let that receive any less when it comes to relationships? I really don’t get it. If anything, our standards should be raised. With all these outside forces around just waiting to ruin our relationships, we should be anticipating more from a partner.
When we lower our standards it is in a way, disrespecting ourselves. That is us saying, “hey, I don’t deserve the best, so I’ll settle for anybody who will be with me.” That isn’t how it should be. If the idea we emanate of ourselves is that, then we surely cannot envisage that someone will think any more of us.
A few basic standards we should have in place for ourselves and for partners we are considering are that they/we be:
1. Respectful
2. Honest
3. Caring
4. Faithful/Loyal
5. Fun to be around
Of course, there are others; but there isn’t enough room for them all and you would probably stop reading at number 15 or so. I kept it simple and stuck to the bare minimum. Other qualities and actions we expect out of a partner should be unique to the person we are. Maybe you like someone who is a little more serious or someone who is family-oriented, easy-going, talkative, consistent, sweet, driven, trustworthy and the list could go on. You shouldn’t just settle for anybody, in fact, you shouldn’t settle at all. You should be in pursuit of someone who fits all your standards and maybe even more if you’re lucky enough to find that person. We don’t always get what we want, and relationships are about compromise a lot of the time. But that doesn’t change the fact that relationships are one place where we should get what we deserve, as long as we give the same.
I challenge all of you to raise those standards, you may not find anyone right away who fits the description, but the wait is what makes it worth it. In the meantime, work on yourself. Giving what you get is a huge part of keeping someone around who does fit your requirements. I also challenge all of you to keep your friends in check when they are contemplating lowering their own stipulations. Don’t let anyone tell you you’re “too picky”. Be firm in what you know you deserve and don’t allow any less. A quote I found recently that outlines what I’m trying to say perfectly:
“It’s better to be single with high standards than in a relationship settling for less.”
