When I first figured out that I wanted to be a teacher, I was in elementary school. I wanted to help people and the best way I knew how was to emulate the teachers around me when I was in school. I wanted to be the one to help my peers when they didn’t understand something. It took a bit of a journey to get to where I am now, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

When I was in preschool, my biggest fear was being away from my mom or grandmother because I knew nothing else than to be with them. When I was in third grade, my biggest fear was making new friends because I had just moved to a new district and didn’t know anyone. In fourth grade, I was scared of our town’s two elementary schools coming together because I had just gotten to know people and now I was going to be surrounded by more strangers. Sixth grade, I had the fear of rejection when telling my crush that I "like-liked" him. Ninth grade, I was afraid of being the small fish in the big pond that was high school. Twelfth grade, the nerves were leaving the school district I was so comfortable with and going to college.

In less than a year, I will graduate from college with a degree in childhood education and soon after start my career as a teacher. I have learned that being a teacher is challenging for more reasons than one, but over the past few years a new challenge has been introduced: school shootings. For students today my old fears are probably still relevant, but cannot compare to the fear of a school shooting happening during the school day. Students should not be afraid to go to school and get their education and families should not be scared that their children or siblings won’t return home after the school day is over.

Aside from the anxiety of becoming a real adult and having a classroom of my own, the recent school shootings have sparked discussions between my friends and family about the future of my career. I’m more excited to be in a classroom than I have words for, but these days I’ve also been becoming increasingly terrified. I am going to be a future educator, not a body guard. Yes, I will do everything in my power to protect the students I am teaching but being a human shield in the case of a school shooting should not be part of my job description. There has been discussion about arming teachers, but I do not have the mind power to shoot someone else, especially if they are a student.

There have been at least seventeen school shootings in the United States this year alone. Seventeen days that students have not returned home after going to school and even more threats that many don’t even know about. My heart hurts for the students and families of those killed. My heart hurts for our country becoming desensitized to school shootings. However, I am so proud of those students that are taking a stand for gun control and safer school. I only hope that one day I can be just as brave as they are.