Being tall sucks! Let's talk about it!
Most of my life, I have been very tall. I have been called a ton of names. The Jolly Green Giant, and Andre the Giant (I'm cool with that one) are the top ones. I'm cool with causal name calling; it's nothing I can't handle. What drives me up a tree is this preconceived notion that being a giant rocks and being short sucks. Well, fee-fi-fo-fum, dudes. I have news for you. Count your short little selves lucky that you are vertically challenged. The true unmitigated horror truly comes from being tall.
The first tragedy comes from that you hit your head on almost everything. I must have developed an immunity to concussions because there isn't a day that goes by where I don't give my head quite the rattle. I could be taking a shower and running into the shower head, walking through a door and hitting a frame or I could run into a cabinet door that has been left open carelessly. These are very real dangers I face every day. I hear people complain about not being able to reach stuff in cabinets. I wish I had that luxury, most of the time those cabinets are out for my blood in my case.
Speaking of not being able to reach stuff in cabinets, my whole life I have had to grab stuff for others unable to reach stuff. Now, it's good to help out your fellow human on occasion, but when it's a common trend in your life it starts to get old. Sometimes, you just want somebody to grab something for you. It's not gonna happen cause you beat them on length. So, the burden is forever on my shoulders. So, next time instead of you shorties complaining about not being able to reach stuff, how about you be just be grateful for the person grabbing it for you. That's the least we deserve.
Going back to the head trauma portion of being tall; ceiling fans. Most people view ceilings fans as a nice little touch to the house you live in. For us tall people, ceiling fans are a recipe for pain. If I forgot a ceiling fan is in the area while I am stretching I could easily find my hand colliding into a fast moving ceiling fan and crying out in pain. Try having to duck those every day of your life. It's a one-sided-no good-horrible game of chicken you must constantly play. It's not lavish home furnishing, it's a literal pain in the neck.
Being tall also comes with the misfortune of having long legs -- which means getting comfortable is the hardest thing ever. I can sit in very few backseats of cars and when I have to, I am squished. I can't sit comfortably in a movie theater, either. The seats are way too close together. So, I am always having to adjust my body position and pray to God my legs don't fall asleep. Meanwhile, everyone else around me is sitting comfortably. It's not right, it's not fair, and I don't like it one bit.
Us tall folk are the real MVPs. There is little to no upside to being tall. The world knocks us down with so many objects, we have to pick ourselves back up. It's nothing but a life of hardship and being placed in uncomfortable positions. So, whenever you shorties feel blue, look on the bright side you are roughly 6 feet tall.
