I can't even count the amount of times in a week that the voice in my head says things like "You shouldn't have bought that", "You don't have enough time", "You don't have enough money", etc etc etc.

I have a feeling that these are thoughts most people have here and there (and for good reason), but I've come to see that my mind produces them so regularly that it becomes unhealthy - a source of shame, despair, and anxiety.

When I really think about it, as I have been a lot lately, I realize that most of these times, these worries are derived from a completely arbitrary source.

If you know me, you know that I am always trying to be resourceful. In any situation, I'm always asking myself: How can I save money? Food? Time? The earth?

I sort of subconsciously will think about my plans for breakfast the night before; if I will get coffee or not, how I will pay for that coffee, whether or not I will allow myself to nap because of that coffee, etc.

It's like, when I do something that meets my criteria (per say a free, healthy, sustainable, good, filling lunch) I get a little dopamine burst, where if I don't (per say I pay for an expensive, mediocre meal that I didn't finish) I get a little pang of guilt.

As silly as it sounds, I feel like often times my mind can get trapped into this "saving" mode.

Maddy Moon defines it as a "scarcity mindset" - a paralyzing mindset that our resources are scarce and our pleasure limited. She talks about how this scarcity mindset must be shifted to an "abundance" mindset to enjoy life, and lately, I've really been seeing the truth to that...

Even writing down the subconscious "scarcity" thoughts - they sound exhausting and overwhelming.

It is crazy to think of the amount of time, money, and energy I've spend stressing over things that don't matter at all (but wait, even just saying that is the scarcity mindset) (looks like I'm trapped). I've learned that many of times, these worries become more of a stress than they are even worth.

I'm not saying I now want to blow my money and never think about my future again. I still believe that many times this mindset is good. For example, I probably wouldn’t be able to pay for college if i hadn't had this mindset throughout my senior year of high school. And because of this, I wouldn't have been able school far away or experience all the opportunities that have arisen because of it. I wouldn't have been able to do a lot of the things I've done without this mindset, but I also think that's a thought that it is unhealthy to become too familiar with..

For me, it all comes down to this: life is uncertain. Why spend the whole thing looking for stability? Why spend the whole thing preparing for the next day? Why fret about the things that are already over? Why not just do what makes you happy?

So applying all these cheesy words to real life, shifting out of this mindset, for me, looks like this: if I want the latte, I let myself buy it, spend the whopping $3 on it, and then mindfully and blissfully enjoy the entire thing. Or when I'm working on an assignment and then my friend comes to talk about something she is struggling with, I remind myself that time is abundant and my work can wait for five minutes - the genuine conversation is worth it. The list goes on, but one of my largest focuses has been to shut down the little voice in my head putting shame on myself when I do something that costs a little bit of my money, time, or social capital.

Looking back, I think this shift alone has enabled my second semester to already be "abundantly" (get it) better than my first semester. I feel so much less stressed, always, and get more pleasure out of my experiences. So I'll let that be the only evidence I need that I don't need to dwell in my comfortable, rigid scarcity mindset, but instead embrace and choose the abundant happiness that life is always offering me.