People have told me that I am strong. When I first shared my eating disorder on Facebook, people told me I was strong and courageous. When I entered treatment yet again, I was told I was strong for taking my life back. When I ate cake on my birthday, I was told I was strong and had come a long way. When I ran my first 10k, I was told that I was strong.
Yet, I still don’t quite know what this means. I understand this isn’t a reference to physical strength but instead one to mental/emotional strength. “You are strong” becomes a reference to the obstacles and challenges I have faced. It becomes a reference to the fight I have put up and will continue to put up to live my life without the voice of an eating disorder.
Strength, to me, is sitting down for a meal with my family and being a part of the conversation. It means saying “yes” more often and indulging in another cookie if I choose. Being strong means taking a day off from working out to allow my body to heal and recover. Being strong means getting enough sleep and eating enough nutrition to power my body through classes and work. Being strong means doing what is best for me even if it is not what others expect or want from me.
I will not compare my strength to others. I will not make myself more or less because of the obstacles I have faced that others have or have not. I will not be silent when I lack strength but instead remind myself that there is power in numbers. So when I am told that I am strong, I can remind myself of what that truly means.
What makes you strong?
