In March of 2016, I had made the decision to shave my head. I spent several weeks thinking about it. I watched videos of women who felt lifted and more confident, and I needed that. After the deed was done, I knew there would be a lot of questions. “Why did you do it?” or “Are you doing it to support someone with cancer?”, and I couldn’t understand how people didn’t understand that I did it for me and only me.
Why did I shave my head? Because I wanted to.
My hair was annoying. Plain and simple. Taking showers took way longer then I would have liked. I was spending more money on taking care of it then I was on food, and I spend a lot of money on food. The amount of times it took for me to style it in the morning caused me to feel rushed in the morning, sometimes even losing sleep. It was hot, dry, and gross. My natural hair color had become darker, and I had died it so many different shades of red and blonde, that I wasn’t even sure what color it was. Shaving it all off gives me a reset, I can now watch it grow back healthy and strong.
I shaved my head to gain self confidence. I have a low self confidence, and my hair most of the time was a crutch I used to feel pretty. I could curl my hair and let it cascade down onto my shoulder. I would braid my hair back into cut little updos. But usually it ended up in a sassy bun, or high ponytail. I was constantly worried about what people thought about me and my hair. Did it look ok? Were there any bumps in my ponytail. My hair seemed to be giving me a lot of unneeded stress. But there were days when my hair became my favorite feature. I could make my hair stand out so that the other parts of my body that I don’t like could. Shaving it all off gets rid of that crutch and helps me love who I am without hiding.
I didn't shave my head for cancer. I have family who have suffered the effects of cancer, I know how it can hurt a family. I also know that shaving my head doesn’t help that family whatsoever. I’m not shaving my head to look like a cancer patient, because in my opinion those who shave their head in support of cancer are bringing the attention off of the cancer patients and onto themselves. Like a “Hey look what I did, now I look just like you.” Would you cut off your arm in support of an amputee? Probably not. I get that hair grows back, and an arm doesn’t but the point remains. Shaving your head in support of cancer takes the attention away from the real problem. Shaving it all off wasn’t to support those with cancer, there are several other ways I can do that.
I didn't shave my hair to be told that I am brave. I understand fully well that people grow emotionally attached to their hair. Until I saw it in the trashcan and all over the floor I was to. To me bravery is overcoming something or facing something you thought you couldn’t do. I didn’t cry when my ponytail was cut off. My eyes didn’t even water when the clippers went down the middle of my head, taking handfuls of hair with it. I wasn’t aiming to come across as brave. I was doing this for me, I needed to prove to myself that I am not defined by what’s on my head. Hair grows back. Sure I contemplated if I was doing the right thing, but at the same time I wasn’t too worried. I was excited to do something to better myself. Shaving it all off wasn’t brave, it was something I felt needed to be done.
