All have experienced the sting of shame. Whether the shame comes from things that have happened to us outside of our control, our own misgivings, or the ways we have wronged our neighbor do not matter, for all lead to the condemnation of ourselves. Our own soul and conscience begin to accuse us. “If only I had not placed myself in that situation, if only I had not said what I said, if I only I had not done what I had done…” we tell ourselves, feeling no relief for what wrong we have done or had done to us. We begin to despair and doubt our interior character. “What is wrong with me? Why am I like this?” we inwardly question. We try to escape, but cannot. There is no escaping from yourself.
We all, in one way or another, carry the burden of our guilt and shame. The shame from our actions stacks upon itself, becoming almost unbearable at times. It destroys many psychologically and drives others to despair and suicide. I myself have often wondered if I would make it to the next day bearing this burden. I can attribute my survival only to the mercy of God.
How does one begin to deal with this kind of debilitating shame? How do we manage to unravel the pain of our sorrow to the point where we finally become able to see ourselves clearly?
Time and space are needed to think. Prayer is needed for God to comfort us. And most importantly, confession in the presence of a priest is needed for our forgiveness.
Confessing our sins in order to rid ourselves of shame seems counterintuitive to our very human nature. Confession is, at its heart, dangerous. It requires the kind of openness and honesty that often makes one vulnerable to wounding. Many have been hurt by trusting the wrong person. We do not like to be hurt.
But this honesty is necessary for us to finally begin the process of healing. We, being human, are weak. We need the help of God and one another so that our shame can be renewed and transformed by His grace. It is as it is written in Wisdom of Sirach:
For there is a shame that brings sin, And there is a shame which is glory and grace… Do not be ashamed to confess your sins. (4:21, 26)
Only through dealing with shame head on can we manage to be saved. Through our confession in the presence of God’s priests, we manage to, in the words of Elder Sophrony, “bear a little shame.” By bearing this shame we obtain the forgiveness of our sins and the salvation of our souls. Saint Paul writes in his second letter to the Corinthians:
For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. (7:10)
This process can be extraordinarily painful and difficult. It has taken even the holiest of men years and years to deal with their shame. We have need of patience, for by it we possess our souls (Luke 21:19). Only then can we truly deal with our pain and sorrow. May God be merciful to us and grant us the shame unto salvation.
