Ah yes, sexuality. A topic ripe for picking, if I do say so myself. Welcome, to Part 2 of my LGBTQIA+ terminology crash course. Last week we learned about gender and what some of the main gender identities are. I highly recommend reading last week’s article to get a better understanding on today’s topic.
Please note that I am just defining these terms, not describing the experiences of them. I am not an expert in this, just a queer community member trying to help people better understand what means what.
Sexuality, thankfully, is an easier concept to grasp and learn about. If you recall from last week, gender, sex, and sexuality are all different. The easiest way to describe this (credit for this goes to drag super star Courtney Act) is this:
- sex is what is in-between your legs (your genitals)
- sexuality is in your heart (who you are attracted to)
- gender is in your head (how you identify, who you are).
Here are some of the main terms/sexual identities that are good to know:
Straight/heterosexual: You are cisgender (you identify as male or female) and you are attracted to the opposite ‘sex’.
Gay/lesbian/homosexual: You are cisgender and you are attracted to the same 'sex'. Gay is usually referred to for men, and lesbian for women. The term “lesbian” is almost exclusively used to describe homosexual women; "gay" works for both homosexual men and homosexual women.
Bisexual: You are cisgender and you are attracted to both men and women
Pansexual: you are attracted to anyone no matter their sexuality or gender identity.
Queer: what was once a derogatory term is now claimed back and celebrated. This is a great umbrella term for those who know they are not straight, but also not gay, and you don’t really have a label for what you are attracted to. Queer is a comforting term for those who choose not to fit into sexual identity boxes.
Demisexual: someone who does not experience sexual or romantic attractions to someone unless they have formed a strong emotional connection with them first.
Asexual: you have no/a lack of sexual attraction to others. Asexuality exists on a spectrum and it can be different for different people. There are plenty of articles on asexuality and the levels on the spectrum as well as experiences.
These are the main terms you should know. There are more extensive or in-depth terms you could find that better fits your sexual identity, but they are usually less known about. Like I mentioned in the gender crash course, just remember that not a lot of people will know what it is and you will have some explaining to do.
How do I figure out what someone’s sexuality is? I believe I’m stealing this from a tweet by Halsey (forgive me, I cannot find the link/actual tweet), but unless you wanna bang or get together with a certain someone, a person’s sexuality is none of your business. People are not required to tell anyone what their sexuality is. If you feel comfortable with people knowing your sexual identity, great! If you aren’t, also great. You do you.
Now, something you might come across is that some people separate romantic and sexual identities. The identities I listed above usually are both attractions on the terms of romantic attraction and sexual attraction. However, for some people, they are two separate things.
Aromantic people, like asexual people, have their own spectrum. They do not experience or feel romantic feelings/attractions, but they still can be sexually attracted to people.
Remember that this is a rough crash course and that there are many books and internet resources about sexuality. Tune in next week as we decode what LGBTQIA+ stands for and going over the community’s name.
