Content warning: This article contains descriptions of rape/sexual assault.
Halloween will always be a time that stands out in my life. Not for some fun or exciting reason, but because on one Halloween, my life changed forever. While I may have been the one dressed up as a devil, he was a devil in disguise.
After being sexually assaulted, I felt powerless, guilty, and ashamed. It took weeks for me to say out loud what had happened, but when I did, I felt like I had taken back control. I slowly began to talk about it more and eventually reported the incident to my university. Just knowing that I could decide how to proceed was invigorating.
I choose to be strong.
Telling my family was something that I struggled with. I did not want them to treat me any differently, but I also knew that this was going to be a part of my life forever and if I wanted them to really know who I am, I had to let them in on this part too. The more I talk about it, the easier it gets. I am now an advocate on my campus and I'm not scared to say that I'm a survivor. I did not have control over what happened to me, but I did have control over what I did afterward.
You are not alone
Everyone copes in their own way, and there is no "right" way to move on after something like this. I found that the less I tried to "get over" it, the easier it was to move forward from it. There is no amount of time that it should take for you to move past something like this. I found that once I really let myself feel, and truly be unapologetically myself, that's when I was able to grow, and become stronger.
I have my good days and my bad days, but I know one thing for sure: I refuse to let someone else's actions dictate how I live my life and I refuse to carry around guilt for what someone else did to me. Instead, I choose to be strong. I choose to be resilient. And I chose to speak up. If you are a survivor of sexual violence, you are not alone and it is not your fault.
If you or someone you know has been abused or needs help leaving an abusive situation, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673).
