Lately I’ve been learning about seeing the gray in life instead of the black and white. I have a tendency to categorize things by what I should do and shouldn’t do; things that are good and bad. I look for the gray when I am reflecting on my actions, when I am trying to figure out a situation, or when to make a decision. However, when I was walking home earlier this evening and felt a feeling of apprehension like none I have felt before, I knew that this was not a gray moment. It should not be “all right” that I fear walking home alone in the dark. That I am afraid of the dark at my age is ridiculous. That large pine trees that are beautiful in the daylight, seem like a haven for the devil in the evening. There is no gray when it comes for women to be afraid of sexual assault.
I used to feel safe. I had a happy-go-lucky idea of the world and some may have called me naïve. I tried to see the best in people and think that everything will work out in the end. I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings. I stared at the stars in the night sky instead of where I was walking. I stayed out late with my friends without worrying. The night was a place of possibility. But unfortunately, being a successful, pretty, young woman has changed my views of the dark.
Why, you may ask? Too many successful, pretty, young women I know have been assaulted or attacked. Too many times I have been given the warning to call my male friends or family members when I walk alone. I had to learn to shoot a gun for my own safety. My girlfriends carry pepper spray with them. Being pretty, young and a girl right now is horrifying.
This is not how it should be. We as young women should be encouraged to strut our stuff and live without fear. Now, I am encouraged to not trust people and to never walk alone.
The statistics support what people tell me. “Women ages 18-24 who are college students are three times more likely than women in general to experience sexual violence” and one out of every six American women has been a victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. I spend some of my meetings in all female organizations learning about rape kits, what to do to protect myself, to be smart.
I appreciate all the information. It makes me more aware. But let’s get at the real problem here. Who says it's OK to assault women? Or assault anyone in general? Our culture. Our politicians. Our justice system. I protect myself at a bar by not wearing a revealing shirt, but yet I don’t get served by a male bartender if I cover up? And if I wore a more revealing shirt and something happened, then I probably was “asking for it,” right? This is wrong. The fact that derogatory comments are made and people don’t apologize or try to downplay them doesn’t make the situation any better (ahem…Donald Trump). The fact that I know of guys who only allowed certain girls into their parties because they were pretty or "easy" is ridiculous. If I ever hear “locker room talk” that degrades women in my profession or just in my general life, I’m going shut it down and say it's not OK. Shouldn’t that be what we all do?
Let’s lower the statistic, ladies and gentlemen. Let’s empower women to not be afraid of their surroundings. Let’s not live in fear of being attacked by a stranger or a friend. This is not a grey area.
