WARNING: Content may be sexual in nature.

There’s this common idea going around, often proliferated by Tumblr users, that in order to be “sex positive” you need to be into bondage and polygamy, and need to be willing to have sex at least twice a day. And if you aren’t talking about sex all the time, then that must mean you are a prude who is afraid of sex.

I disagree.

Now, as I’ve said before, some things have different meanings to people than they do to me, which is fine.

To me, being sex positive means that you have an open mind to the sexualities and interests of others, and promote the idea of people being confident in themselves, and their sexual lives. Sex positivity means that you don’t judge or berate someone who is participates in hardcore BDSM in their area, and you don’t trivialize someone who is just taking their first steps into their sexual lives.

Sex is important to me. It is a big part of my life, which is why I do so much to research, learn, and expand my knowledge on things related to it. With this knowledge though, I know that there are many people who don’t see sex the same way I do, and that’s fine. I never want to make feel bad, or doubt themselves, because they are more, “vanilla” than other people.

Now, I am a firm believer in the mantra that, you cannot truly know if you dislike something until you try it, but that is me. People should never be forced to try something if they don’t want to. My biggest desire is for people to maybe be willing to experiment a little, but mainly, I want them to be comfortable with their sexuality and how they fell.

Sexuality is a huge spectrum, and many people fall in different places on that map, and some don’t fall on it at all. Being in a polyamorous relationship with several different partners, is just as okay, as being asexual, and not finding any interest in any form of sexual interaction.

I also feel that being sex positive, means that you educate yourself a bit on your own sexuality, and you have a responsibility to keep your sexual activities, first and foremost, consensual, and safe. Any form of sex, no matter what your definition of sex is, must remain and consensual act for all parties involved in the act. That does not change in any situation. Safety is also extremely important, because both you and the other members of this sexual act, if there are other members, have a right to know that when they partake in this act, they do not run the risk of hurting themselves or someone else. Communication is also a focal point of a relationship of any kind.

You deserve the right to know how your body works, how your partner’s body works, how to say yes or no, and how to change your mind. If your partner wants to try something you are unsure about, it is fine to say that you are willing to try it, but if you decide you don’t like it, then you can, and will stop. With this, I also would like to touch a little on masturbation. I encourage the exploration of your own body. How else are you going to know what is right for you if you don’t explore yourself first? Masturbation makes it easier for you to communicate with your partner or partners what you like being done to you. Plus, masturbation is just fun in it’s own right. Love thyself.

I’ve touched on it a bit, but being sex positive means that you have to be tolerant and supportive of people whose sexuality is very dissimilar from their own. That means that you cannot judge a person who is considered “kinky,” or shame someone who has desires that you consider tame and/or boring. No one’s interests are boring, because it is THEIR interests. Just because it doesn’t pique your fancy doesn’t mean that you get to decide they are boring. That also works in the reverse. I personally enjoy bondage. I also know that being tied up is not everyone’s cup of tea. I am not forcing anything on you, so while you may stand back and say, “Not really my thing…” you must also have in your head, “But, doesn’t really affect me, so you do you.”

I promote sex. I think it is something great that all of us who have those kinds of desires, should take part in, and not be afraid of. I want people all over the world to feel comfortable with their sexuality, and not be afraid to express it, or keep it inside. It is our sexuality, and only you can decide what is the best way to live with it.