It's Okay To Want A Relationship But Don't Force It

It's Okay To Want A Relationship, But Don't Force It

Settling is never okay.

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If I have learned anything in my first semester of college, I learned just how important it is to love freely, openly, and deeply, but that it is never okay to spend time-fighting for someone that doesn't want to love you.

Let me explain that. By all means, we should care about others regardless of their opinions on you. It's how we as humans should treat other humans. However, if someone doesn't want to give you the time of day, why should you keep asking. That's not logical and seriously is more effort than it's worth. Now like I said, that doesn't mean it's acceptable to treat them poorly, it just means that your time and energy is better spent on the people that will give you the world.

Here are three types of people that you might find yourself going after but probably should move on from.

1. The person that doesn't respond to your texts 

If you've double, triple, or quadruple texted someone that you're interested in and they don't respond, they are not worth that next text. A text takes 30 seconds to send and if they can't give you 30 seconds of their time they sure can't give you the hours they'd need to in a relationship.

2. The person that still talks about their feelings for someone else 

I don't know if this really needs explaining, but too many people still go for the person that explicitly says that they have feelings for a different person. If they tell you the like someone else, they like someone else. Plain and simple. Move on.

3. The person that doesn't want to put a title on it 

So in some cases, it is understandable if they don't want to put a title on it, but without a really good reason, I'd start to question the motives of this person that you're going for. If y'all are going to do everything a couple does and not call yourself an item there's probably something else going on.

If you end up finding yourself falling for any of the above people, seriously think about taking a step back and deciding what's really important to you.

Focus on yourself, your friends, school. Never put all of your energy into someone that isn't going to reciprocate it. It's always okay to want to find love and be in love, but you should never settle for someone any less then what you deserve.

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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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No, Really, He's Just NOT That Into You, Here Are 6 Ways To Know

Stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.

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Ladies, let's be honest with ourselves, we're smart. We know when something's not right or when someone's not feeling us. That gut feeling isn't worry or being anxious — it's an instinct. Use it.

Often when we get that gut feeling, we go to our friends for advice. "He's left me on delivered for three hours but he was active 20 minutes ago," "He said he couldn't hang out tonight because he's busy, even though he said he was free earlier today," "He only asks me to hang out late at night, but he just has a lot going on during the day," and so on.

We sound crazy trying to analyze someone's thoughts and intentions.

Bless our friends' souls, they'll come up with reasons that make SO much sense, and we'll be like "Omg okay you're totally right I just need to chill."

The truth is, although they have the best intentions, our friends aren't doing us any favors by trying to think of plausible excuses. Most of the time our gut feelings are right and instead of trying to settle them we should accept them and move on from there.

If he doesn't do the following things, then he's just not that into you.

1. If he doesn't call or text you first

I'm not saying he always has to be the first one, but it should go both ways. If you realize that the two of you only talk when you initiate it first, he's just not that into you.

2. If you're not a priority 

Hey, quick reminder! If he wants to talk to or be with you, he will.

He will let you know when he can't talk for a while, he will have good energy when you do talk, and he will talk to you whenever he can. You should be with a guy who LOVES talking to you, and I'm not saying you have to talk all day 24/7. If he's constantly talking to other people and leaving you on delivered for hours, you're not a priority.

If he wants to see you, he will see you. People make time for who they want to make time for. Yes, the guy you're seeing does have a life outside of you, but there is a big difference between making time and just fitting you into his time. The right guy will make the effort.

If you find yourself feeling like a convenience and not a priority, he's just not that into you.

3. If he's only asking you to hangout at night

...you're a booty call. If you only hang out at either of your houses, it's just a hookup. Sorry, but it's not that hard to go get coffee or lunch during the day. It's not like he has to pay for everything or take you to a fancy restaurant. If a guy likes you he will want to make actual plans with you. If he doesn't spend time with you during the day, he's just not that into you.

4. If he's actively talking to another girl

"Just Friends" is a tough one because most girls know how both sides of a 'just friends' relationship work. I like having friends that are guys because you can drive around listening to music talking about whatever without listening to a 10-minute rant about how Chad is sending mixed signals. I love my friends that are girls, they're absolutely amazing, but sometimes it's nice to switch things up. My guy friends are friends for a reason and I appreciate them for always being there for me, but I would never get in the way of them having a relationship with a girl.

On the flip side, even if you completely trust your guy, it's hard to trust other girls because you never know their true intentions. The way I see it is that if the two of them have never dated or hooked up, and they were friends before you started dating, then I trust the girl-friend. Don't be fooled though by the, "Oh don't worry about her, she's just a friend," if he's blatantly flirting with her.

Of course, make sure to communicate any of your doubts about the friendship to him before jumping to any conclusions.

If he's actively flirting with another girl, he's just not that into you.

5. If he's not honest with you 

If you catch him being shady or making excuses for his actions or lack thereof, he's just not that into you.

6. If he isn't putting in the time or effort

You deserve more than second thoughts and maybes. You deserve more than late night "wyd" or "you up" Snapchats. You deserve more than feeling the need to check the Snapchat map or beg your friends for excuses as to why he's not talking to you. If you have to second guess his intentions and overanalyze his words and actions, he's just not that into you.

Bottom line: put your feelings aside and ask yourself, "If I was being treated like this by a guy I didn't like, would I still be talking to him?" If the answer is no, then move along. Stop making excuses for things that you know are red flags. If your gut feeling tells you that he's just not into you, then honey, he's just not that into you.

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