she hurt you
but you kept telling yourself,
sometimes she's nice
[when she wanted something]
sometimes she makes me happy
really happy
[because you're blinded by love]
so it's fine.
sometimes she was everything you wanted in a girl.
[thought you wanted*]
sometimes she was warm
[or it was just an absence of her being cold]
like a frosty drizzle of rain kissing my skin on a warm summer day
a paradox of love and hate
[you thought] those good factors made up for the times
she told you,
you were worthless,
hit you,
made you cry,
made you doubt your sanity,
made you stop writing,
making art,
being comfortable with yourself,
knowing yourself,
loving yourself,
understanding what love meant -
and for months
you were conditioned to think it's your fault
when it was just her negativity.
you thought it was your responsibility
to love her
when she's never even truly loved you
she fooled you
but you didn't care.
because you didn't love yourself enough.
but at a certain point
you stopped going back.
and one day
your best friend asked,
"How did you leave her if you loved her that much?"
and you responded,
"I thought of a scenario where you were treated like I was, and how I would feel about it,
and I left
without ever looking back"